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2 Bumps

Does anyone have a good comeback to tell my husband when he tells me "you always need a break from the kids - you're just not cut out to be a stay at home mom."

I feel guilty and angry when he says this, but I think it's normal to want a 10 min. break at the end of the day when he arrives home, just to go to the bathroom by myself!! I've only left my 2 kids with him all day for 2 days (not overnight) after a counselor suggested this to us both. I'm just angry that I let him get to me on this - I'm a good mother but it pushes that doubt about whether I'm a good enough stay at home mom or not. Anyone have advice for me?

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VTmom76

Asked by VTmom76 at 9:04 AM on Aug. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (14 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • First of all never doubt yourself, but suggest he stays with the kids for a whole day, or two so he can get the grasp of what you do, and why that me time is so important for your mental health.
    older

    Answer by older at 9:06 AM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • Why do you need a good comeback? IMO, I would just tell him the truth. Staying home and raising kids is hard work.
    crazycatlady66

    Answer by crazycatlady66 at 9:08 AM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • Tell him when he comes home from his job, he has children there, and you. The children, and the house ARE your job. You spend 24/7 with the kids! He doesn't work 24/7. He comes home. Since home IS your job, it would only make sense you want a break every now and again. My SO is a SAHD right now, and I work. I make him go out, I tell him to invite friends over. Explain to him that everyone needs a break every now and again- you can't be expected to never leave the house or have adult time. If he can't understand that tell him fine- you'll get a job and he can stay home! I assure you, he'll change his tone really quick!

    Annabel1809Lee

    Answer by Annabel1809Lee at 9:09 AM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • This is a bad thing to say to a "mom" at all. Being a mom is a 24/7 job. You get up when the kids are sick, you are literally there for everyone and their needs all the time. You really shouldn't feel guility for having some "me time" to unwind and rejuvenate from all that is being asked out of you constantly. I think it just makes you a better Mom for doing so.
    CafeMochaMom1

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 9:15 AM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • You other ladies are too nice. If this is something he says repeatedly, I believe, "get bent" is an appropriate response. I'm sure you've already tried logic, and role reversal, etc. and that's apparently NOT getting through.
    DMac08

    Answer by DMac08 at 9:18 AM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • What an ass.
    crystalhuskey

    Answer by crystalhuskey at 9:24 AM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • Are you asking or wanting the "break" as soon as he walks into the door? Yes, as SAHM myself, I get wanting to go to the bathroom in peace. However have you consider delayed gratification on this matter. Yes you can and will get your 10 minutes, but not as soon as he walks into the door.
    SAHMinIL2

    Answer by SAHMinIL2 at 9:40 AM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • Thank you for making me feel normal! I have tried what has been posted. I typically have no choice until after the kids go to bed then I get my me time. I'm ok with that but what's frustrating is the lack of respect in the words that my husband says - my daughter is 5 so let's just say I'm just done with being treated this way and wish there was a way to get him to see the hard work instead of the nasty things he says. I have left my kids with him for 2 days, not overnight etc. etc., hasn't helped. He puts them in front of the tv and says it's a piece of cake and what's my problem. Yes, I have gone to work and up until Jan. worked nights from home until I became too burned out from doing it all. How do I say something back to let me let it go and to give him the message that it's not ok to say (which I literally say)????
    VTmom76

    Comment by VTmom76 (original poster) at 9:48 AM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • Say "Ok then, I'll get a job and YOU can stay home."

    You'll know it's working if he's sweating lightly and his eyes are twirling like pinwheels.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 10:17 AM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • what I've done is broke down all the work I do at home, looked up what professionals charge for such services (maid, daycare, cook, child psycologst, etc... and gave him the price of what I should be getting paid. appox. (if you count these charges by day) I'm being conservative, it's about 300-400 a day. I TAKE my allowance I give myself (bout 25)and go have me a me time sometimes (more than 10 min). He's the Dad and should have that responsibility. You're a great mom keep it up. You make more than him.
    pipsqueak1

    Answer by pipsqueak1 at 10:50 AM on Aug. 7, 2010

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