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3 Bumps

What advice should I give?

Sorry this has to be anon...

I have a dear friend whose daughter truned 20 about six months ago. This young lady has had quite a number of boyfiends in the last few years and has admitted to her Mom that her # of sexual partners is 12. My friend has confided in me as this has her mortified. I'm not a fan of labels and will refrain from their use, but given the daughter's age, are her mother and I wrong for being of the opinion that she's moving way too quickly/frequently through sexual relationships? I'm in my early forties...what's too much in today's world?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:32 PM on Aug. 7, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Answers (13)
  • Not much you're friends mom can do. Her daughter is an adult and can do what ever she pleases. She can explain to her the dangerous of sleeping around but that's about it. Maybe tell her if she ever meets a nice young man that may be the one he might not like the number of partners she's had.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 12:34 PM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • This. This is too much. "Today's world" is too often used as an excuse for inexcusable behavior.

    You're not wrong, you're absolutely right.
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 12:34 PM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • I would be more concerned if she was having unprotected sex with any of these guys. that to me is a really important issue to discuss with a teenager or get the message out about it.
    CafeMochaMom1

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 12:42 PM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • As long as she is using protection, what can be said. Today's socitey has changed, casuall sex is not frowned up like it was in the past. Women are having just as much casuall sex now as men are. No strings attached. Now saying this does not mean that I agree with it.
    QandA

    Answer by QandA at 12:43 PM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • It doesn't surprise me, especially if she is living away from home. I agree that the focus should be on prevention of STDs and preganancy. I'm glad she has you both.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:52 PM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • 12 is a bit much, just emphasize on protection and being disease free, but she is an adult gone man crazy!
    older

    Answer by older at 12:54 PM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • I don't think having an opinion is wrong. And I don't think your opinion is wrong. I do think there's not much you or the mom can do--unless she's living at home. I don't see anything wrong with setting rules for adult children living at home. If you try to give advice and she doesn't want it, she'll just be rebellious. Her mom should try to be there for her if she needs advice, and it's ok to say simply, "I'm concerned about what you're doing."
    Adelicious

    Answer by Adelicious at 1:02 PM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • I hate to say it but your opinion isn't really relevant...this girl is an adult and will make her own choices and mistakes. If one of my mom's friends came to me to discuss my behavior when I was 20, I would have told her to f-off. But I also do not discuss details of my sex life with my mom because I don't care to have her opinion, lol.
    getrealmama

    Answer by getrealmama at 2:28 PM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • Do you want advice to give the young woman or her mom? I don't think you should attempt to give the young woman any advice. I think the only advice you can give her mom is to encourage her daughter to practice safe sex & use birth control. If this young lady is being reckless or engaging in high risk behaviour, then I think her mom should try to reach out to her & try to deal with it. But, she IS an adult there isn't much her mom can do.

    But, while I've been with way less than 12 people, I don't know that it's "too much". I mean, if she started having sex when she was 16 lets say thats what? 3 guys per year. That doesn't sound completely outragous to me. If she is using protection & birth control I would try to respect her right to live her life however she wants. Her mom is probably going to have to accept that her daughters morals & values are different than her own.
    BubbaLuva

    Answer by BubbaLuva at 2:52 PM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • Oh, also if her daughter actually shared the number of sex partners she's had, they are communcating on the topic, which is great. Her mom may have to put aside her feelings or judgment & really hear what her daughter is sharing with her. She will have a MUCH better time getting through to her daughter, her thoughts & feelings on the topic. If she gets angry or judgmental her daughter will stop sharing altogether.
    BubbaLuva

    Answer by BubbaLuva at 2:56 PM on Aug. 7, 2010

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