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3 Bumps

My 18 year old son packed his clothes and left yesterday.

My 18 year old son who I might mention is still very immature has been acting differently the past year or so, it seems that ever since he started dating his current girlfriend that he has changed. She is very clingy and I get a bad feeling about her, there have been several incidents that have made me very uneasy with her and there is just something that I don't trust. He has been making some very poor personal decisions lately and when I confronted him about some things and some house rules, he became very defensive and and I am worried that he is headed down the wrong path. He did not want to follow the rules and so he threatened to leave and did last night. I have been so sad and am not sure how to handle this. Should I call him and ask him to come home so we can talk or should I let him go and wait until he comes home. I just don't know how much time to give something like this, he has never done this before.

 
timberlake

Asked by timberlake at 10:06 PM on Aug. 7, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 3 (16 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Well, he is 18 legally and adult. So, your going to have to take a HUGE deep breath (momma Ive been there) and treat him like an adult. Stand your ground. Be honest, but fair. Let him know you love him but you dont have to like his choices or his behavior. As an adult you wish him well, as your son his decisions and life style as of late make you uncomfortable and worried. Let him know that your door will be open to talk if he needs you and let go him make his mistakes. Some kids just have to learn the hard way. He may be back in a couple days when he realizes that supper doesnt magically appear and clean clothes involve more then just opening a drawer. Good luck.......its hard I know.
    mistynights234

    Answer by mistynights234 at 10:13 PM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • i would call him and ask him to come home so you guys can talk
    britme1027

    Answer by britme1027 at 10:09 PM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • Is he still in school? If he hasn't graduated high school yet, I would be more insistent that he comes back home until he earns his diploma. If he is starting college this fall, I would want to know where he is living so I can be sure that he will not throw away his college education (especially if I was paying for it!). If he has finished high school and has a job that he can support himself with, I would wait a day or two, and then call and ask him what his plans are. I would invite him to come home so we could talk about where he is headed in life, and if it's best for him to be on his own, or living with his family.
    debbymichelle

    Answer by debbymichelle at 10:14 PM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • I would call and check on him but I would let him make his own decision to come back home.
    mamaofficer

    Answer by mamaofficer at 10:18 PM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • Its hard when they turn 18 because they think they know everything and the world is theres for the taking! He will come home and he will realize that you are just trying to help and things! My oldest he has left and come back so many times! He is 19 and now has a 1 week old son with his 21 yr old girlfriend!!! He is going to learn about growing up and all the things that he has been taught ! We just kind of have to sit back and be there for them when they come back through that door!
    cjsblubird4

    Answer by cjsblubird4 at 10:23 PM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • He's 18. Let him go. Maybe getting away from his family is exactly what he needs to do in order to grow up.
    Arisce

    Answer by Arisce at 10:08 PM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • Part of parenting adult children is letting them learn by doing. Let him know you love him, you are sticking to your house rules and policies, and that he is ALWAYS loved and welcome home any time. Judgement free. The judgement free part being the most important thing.

    I know your heart hurts. It's part of growing up.
    ecodani

    Answer by ecodani at 10:10 PM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • Give it some time. Good luck.
    QandA

    Answer by QandA at 10:16 PM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • Hes 18, let him leave and grow up-- tell him to come back when hes going to respect you; IMO
    smh89

    Answer by smh89 at 10:18 PM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • The girl is probably filling his head with all kinds of negative things about his family. If I were you, I would not go after him yet, unless he is still considered a minor in your state. Do you even know where he is living? If the girlfriend takes him in, then you've probably lost the battle and the war. If he ends up with no place to live, then home might start to look pretty good. Sometimes, you have to let them learn the hard way. Since he left of his own choosing, if he's considered legal age, I would wait for him to come to me. You can't change the rules for him, and you already know he doesn't want to obey them.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:30 PM on Aug. 7, 2010