Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Anyone still feel lonely even though you have your kids and husband around?

We're military so our relatives are all 5 hours or more away. Maybe thats part of it. Since we've moved here I haven't developed many friendships. One a while back but she moved away. Guess because I had a new baby it just seemed easier to let having friends go by the wayside (is that a word,lol). Hubby and son well, they have a male brain ...they can't relate the way other women do I suppose. My daughter is only 5. I guess I feel all alone in a lot of my ways of thinking, views on things, emotions and things I (and probably other housewives who have pain conditions) go through. I feel like ultimately I stand alone here. Is it normal to feel that way?

Answer Question
 
christina259

Asked by christina259 at 11:41 PM on Aug. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,071 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • sure give it time and make the effort, i'm sure you'll make some soon. n husband n kids aren't enough, u need a social network.:)
    fefe87

    Answer by fefe87 at 11:44 PM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • yes it is, especially as a military wife. When I got married, 6 years ago, I moved 6 hours away from my family because its where the Navy put us. There have been times where, I was lonely for the contact of another person in my situation...not necessary lonely period. There is a website called the mommiesnetwork.com and they have tons of forums that are location specific...its all mommies. I have found several really good friends via that website.
    hobbitswife04

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 11:45 PM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • I'm also a military family and just like you I felt the same way. I just recently moved back closer to family because my hubby deployed but now I wish I was back at our home port because I feel worse here because of the way my family treats m and disrespects me it front of my kids. Have you tried going to spouse meetings? Maybe see if any local moms are near you on here and do play dates.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 11:46 PM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • I've been there and it sucks. Although you love your children and DH dearly, it's important to have a friend or two you can talk to and hang out with. Take a class or join a club your interested in. That's a way to develop friendships.
    chocaholic888

    Answer by chocaholic888 at 11:46 PM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • OMG finally some1 with same issues as me, my family is from Texas and we are now in Hawaii
    my DD misses her grandparents soo much and her uncles n aunties
    we use alot of web cam and constanlty phone calls,
    i kno im not alone because hubby is here BUT he has more friends than i do and we only have one vehicle which he uses to go to work its just such a different place. you should enjoy it and explore ur new place called home
    Leilene07

    Answer by Leilene07 at 11:51 PM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • Yes, wayside is a word.

    You do know it takes about 2.5 years to make a social network, right? You have to run across a large number of people in order to find the few that you'd ever connect with... it does help a lot to have a very broad idea of what is 'acceptable.' That means everything from how old they are, whether they work or not, if they have kids or not, if they believe the same things as you or not... because you're looking for temperament, not a mirror image of yourself.

    It might feel important to have people who apparently agree with everything you agree with, but you'll find that it's actually a lot more important to you to find friends who are supportive, respectful, helpful, about as smart as you, and with similar values (honesty, kindness, forthrightness, reverence, curiosity, thoughtfulness, etc.)

    Get out there, meet people --lots of them. Expect to find people you admire...
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 12:27 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • OMG I feel the same way. I just got diagnosed with my Lupus so my emotions are running a gamut right now I'm relieved because for the first time in years I don't think I'm crazy I mean you can only go to the doctors and have them tell you so many times that you're making it up before you start to think that maybe you really are making it up. My DH is also in the military and we live clear across the country from our family, I'm so very lonely and I've got just one friend more like an acquaintance and two young boys. I've tried going to sopousal support meetings but one of them is full of older women who treat me like their child and scoff at any input I may have into an intelligent conversation and the other one is too put it bluntly full of idiots who would much rather plan out who's house they're going to drink at this weekend and where they're tossing their kids that night. I hate feeling this way.....
    GigantaursMommy

    Answer by GigantaursMommy at 3:17 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • I know how you feel! You are not alone
    Seterah1010

    Answer by Seterah1010 at 6:18 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • I'm also a military wife and we've just reunited with my DH after a year apart. It's very difficult this time and I'm actually wondering if it's going to work out. We've been apart twice before but it seems like something has changed this time. Our younger daughter is 4 and he's missed almost 3 yrs. of her life because of the Army. after 20 yrs. together, I feel like he doesn't have any physical attraction for me anymore and I have NO one here to talk to. My best friend is 1400 miles away and I haven't been here long enough to know of any resources available to me. I totally understand how you feel!!!
    ramawin

    Answer by ramawin at 4:42 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • I was the military one, who was always deployed & leaving family behind... Now my spouse works a lot of hours and so I'm pretty one the one who runs the household, & I find myself feeling lonely sometimes, mainly for decent conversation; not kid-speak, not idle chit-chat, but real conversations with other adults who can relate -- girlfriends, basically.

    @mommy_of_two388 - My spouse and I are lucky to not have the in-laws/relatives prob you mentioned because our families are on the opposite ends of the earth, in different countries. It sucks cuz we are COMPLETELY on our own with no relatives in the US, but then again, we get to do things our way - especially raising our kids and not having so many opinions, interjections, unexpected last-minute visits, etc thrown our way. Not only do I lack a family-support-network, but I'm still trying to build some kind of girlfriend/mommy/SAHM network as well.
    VexAzn

    Answer by VexAzn at 12:09 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.