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3 Bumps

Ugly with a good personality.

My Dh married me for my personality. I'm not totally ugly, but I'm a little overweight (always have been) and I have acne and skin issues. When I had my Dd, I went through a lot of mood swings, and my Dh stopped loving me as much because I lost a little of my good personality. How do you get that back after kids?
PS: The stress of having a child makes me less playful and also, Dh is about a nine when it comes to looks, and I worry that if I don't get my good personality back, he'll fall out of love with me.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:08 AM on Aug. 8, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • P.S. I think we ALL experience feeling unattractive and bitchy after we have a baby. So this is normal, you are not alone!
    Adelicious

    Answer by Adelicious at 12:27 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Wow, my heart really hurts for you. I really doubt you're as bad looking as you think. I don't believe it's possible to totally love a person for their personality, because when you love someone, they look beautiful. Does your DH know how you feel? Does he tell you he married you for your personality? If those are his words, that's really a cruel unkind thing to say. We all go through times like your'e talking about, and a good man needs to understand and be by your side, just like you would be by his side if he lost his good looks in an accident. Be yourself. Do what you need to do to be healthy and give yourself a break, mama!
    Adelicious

    Answer by Adelicious at 12:15 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • First of all, you need to work on your confidence and self esteem. Stop talking about yourself that way. if you are feeling that insecure about yourself of course you won't feel like your personality is just right because you are not happy. Your husband should be building you up and helping you to feel good about yourself. Tell him what you need to help you feel secure and maybe even go to therapy and read some books to help you out.
    KTMOM

    Answer by KTMOM at 12:15 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • for the acne: message RKoloms and ask her for her dd's acne regimen. I always feel weird reposting it like it's mine.

    Make sure you take alone time to take care of yourself. without it, you're going to be a bear. I'm a b**** about my time in the bathroom, anyone that knocks gets their head taken off.
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 12:17 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Hire a sitter or have a relative watch your baby and go out for a fun night once in a while. Remember that he still needs your nurturing even though the baby takes up so much of your time. Give him a back rub or fix a nice dinner for the two of you. Do make sure that you get out and away from the parenting role - you will feel better and he will be happier to have the "old you" back - even if it is only a few nights a month. You might also check into some counseling regarding your self image. Men are more attracted to confident women. Realize that you are wonderful just as you are and he could have married anyone else, but he chose you!
    neebug3766

    Answer by neebug3766 at 12:19 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • He married you for your personality, not your looks. Okay, I know how that sounds. But would you rather have a husband with a dull personality and good looks, or the other way around. Personally, I would go for the personality, and this says a lot.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:39 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

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