Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Do moms that give to much materialistic stuff to their kids work just as hard as mothers that opt to do more hands on stuff??

There are moms that like to take their kids shopping and buy lots of stuff just to make their kids happy. Their are other moms that like to be more handson and do more activities instead of giving them stuff. Do you think that moms that decide to be more materialistic work as hard as moms that would rather be more hands on? For instance, instead of buying your child new clothes or toys just for no reason, you take them out to the park or do water painting. I'm asking for your opinion.

Answer Question

Asked by ProudMammaMia at 12:37 AM on Aug. 8, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 17 (3,619 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • I don't really know. I'm not a fan of giving a lot of gifts, I'm more into having good experiences with my kids. But I'm sure the moms who give lots of gifts instead do it because they love their kids, even if it MIGHT be misguided IMO.

    Answer by Adelicious at 12:39 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • I guess what I'm asking is do you think that a more hands on mother puts in more effort or do you think it's about the intention and love behind it? Buying lots of gifts constantly can be seen as lazyness to some people because they would rather pay then do.

    Comment by ProudMammaMia (original poster) at 12:48 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Well... bucketloads of stuff doesn't make kids happy. In fact, too much stuff is confusing and stressful for most kids, who frankly need people not things.

    I don't think you can stand any 2 mothers, in any circumstances, side by side and state 'this one works harder' --partly because how do you measure 'harder'... or even what qualifies as 'work'? I know people who think that taking kids shopping is very hard, and others who find it effortless.

    Are you feeling that your kids are... not getting what they deserve? That you're not appreciated for what you do, or give? That's all happening within you... if you don't think what you're doing is 'enough' you'll spend a lot of energy comparing yourself to others, and looking for affirmation that you're okay --but it never has any traction, does it? It's just not possible to be talked out of your fears, is it?

    Do what you believe is right...

    Answer by LindaClement at 12:51 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • LindaClement I am not talking about just simply taking your kids to the grocery store or something, I'm talking about when someone decides to pay for things and shower their kids with gifts instead of spending more time with them in other ways and getting a more intimate bond with the child.

    I am not talking about myself. Only asking for your opinions

    Comment by ProudMammaMia (original poster) at 1:00 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • I would never assume that a mother who buys lots of gifts does not spend just as much time with her kids. Maybe she's just not crafty? Maybe her hands on involves something else and shopping is a hobby of hers.

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 2:24 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • I don't think either one is better. I buy my son lots of stuff but then we play with all of it too. I honestly would rather buy playdoh (?) and sit down on the ground with it and make things out of it with my son, then spend time in the kitchen making it for him while he is tossing everything around the kitchen and making a nasty mess that I will have to clean up. But I don't think those moms that do those other things are bad just different. Its okay to take your child to the store and buy some planes to then go to the park and fly them around.

    Answer by whoreallycares at 4:49 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • I'm going to repost this question and clarify tomorrow. I don't think anyone understood what I asked so i will write a more clear post. Thank you for your responses ladies

    Comment by ProudMammaMia (original poster) at 4:56 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Well, my parents always spoiled me with material things, but they also always spent a lot of time with me. My mom was also a sahm, and she was always doing activities with us. I will say this, for sure. I hardly remember the material things I was given, but I do remember and cherish the time spent with my mom. So, for sure, the time is worth much more than the material things.

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 11:32 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • I think I understand what you're asking... I've known people who buy their kids lots of stuff BECAUSE they dont' spend time with them. I think some parents buy their kids lots of stuff because they feel guilty and it's easier to buy them stuff than to face their inadequacies and do what they need to do to be good parents. That's kind of extreme, and maybe the continuum in between is hard to judge, thus the confusion in response to the question.
    P.S. I know often when I post questions on here, I feel like I have to clarify and reclarify what I'm trying to say.

    Answer by Adelicious at 3:14 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Giving too many gifts hurts the child and future adult, eventually.
    SPending time is pretty safe

    As for the parent, who works hardern I think the question is irrelevant.

    Answer by txdaniella at 4:58 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.