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how can i learn to let go and let my boyfriend help me with my son who is not his


Asked by jenb526 at 12:39 AM on Aug. 8, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 3 (18 Credits)
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Answers (7)
  • A boyfriend? or a soon to be husband?
    If he's just a boyfriend, how much of a connection do you want him to have with the child? After all, the child will be hurt when he moves on.
    If this is a serious relationship, then decide that. And of course he'd be an active part of the child's life. If you're not willing to have him be an active part of the child's life (and yes, that includes discipline), then he probably should move on anyway.

    Answer by justnancyb at 9:31 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • be patience. it nice that's he's willing to help you. it's about the child.

    Answer by ymadaris2 at 2:24 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Take one day at a time and take baby steps

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:44 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • I wish I had the answers 4 u. Same problem here, only I have 2 that aren't his and one (the oldest) that is. He has only been an active part of our lifes for just over a year now and I am still having problems letting him help and disapline (sp?). I hate letting him help cuz for all these years it's been just me to take care of everything and now he's here and it aint easy! Bite your tounge and grit your teeth and pray that in the end it will all turn out is all the advice I can offer. Sorry!

    Answer by momof3xthefun at 12:56 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Is this a serious relationship? if so then by all means,let him help out. Does he want to help out? if so, good. BUT you need to understand it has to be all or nothing you cannot pick & choose. for starters sit down w/ BF and ask him what his thoughts are & how much he wants to be involved. Then sit down together, pen to paper & figure out together what he can & cannot do. Like discipline tell him its okay for time ou& taking away things but nothing physical(spanking etc) what about school can he write notes, pick up and drop off, can he take child to the doctors? do to HIPPA laws is he allowed to know the ins & out of child medical history.I would also sit the 3 of you down & explain to child that BF is going to start helping mommy & the child needs to listen to BF.

    I would start by letting BF watch child while you make quick trips to the store to pick up items. & let him step in while you all are out & about G/L

    Answer by justgrape723 at 5:22 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • I totally understand how you feel. Having been a single mother for 14 years it was hard for me to let anyone discipline my child. Now that I am married and DD is 19 I still have a problem with it. I guess I just dont want anyone to hurt her feelings and am feeling protective. I think you should sit down with BF, better if husband cause child know's he's there to stay, and go over your different discipling strategies. Or you could be the mai disciplinary and have bf back you up with the why's and why not's.

    Answer by Esmrlda at 6:29 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • thank you all for your answers they were very helpfull i already knew them i just wanted the bf to see that its not just me and i am not serious about this guy yet and dont know if i can be the relationship with me and my sons father was a disaster and still is and i know i am not ready we have not been with each other long me and the new bf but i am trying

    Comment by jenb526 (original poster) at 1:41 AM on Aug. 17, 2010