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is it too harsh

My oldest daughter is 10 and yelling, and argueing with me and whining and throwing temper tantrums to the point where i told her she couldnt go out on halloween but grounding and corner and tkaing tv and everything away isnt working.. i think taking something away that REALLY important adn specaill might straighten her out whatcha think???/


Asked by SLVN_Jen at 7:56 PM on Oct. 5, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (9)
  • Yep starting at about that age, you have to get them where it hurts the most. Figure out what that is and she'll start towing the line again. Good luck it just gets harder from here on out!!!

    Answer by shmorris56 at 11:17 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • Do what WORKS. It's your child and if the punishment works then I say do it...

    Answer by TiffanyLove18 at 8:14 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • Interesting, I swear there was this same exact question about a 19 year old...and I do believe it was in the Children 18+ section, which makes it hard to believe it was a typo....

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:28 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • What??? Anon, if there is a question about grounding and putting a 18+ yr old in the corner, how could it NOT be a typo??? Thats silly.....
    Anyway, you're not being too harsh. You do what you need to do for your kids to act like respectable human beings. There are too many kids out there who run all over their parents and disrespect adults. I do have tweens, so its not empty advice. They don't talk back (much) because they have immediate consequences. They are far from perfect, and I'm not claiming to be a perfect mother. As soon as they start the tantrum bs, though, I make them take it to their room. I won't tolerate it.

    Answer by drowninginboys at 8:59 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • i think you gotta find something that works, then stick with it..maybe also try talking to her more..explaing stuff to her..maybe make certain mom-daughters days where you guys hang out and go to the movies, or get pedicure/manicure, or go for lunch, shopping, etc..but let her pick..maybe shes just acting that way for attention..i know i was like that my whole life, all i ever wanted was special mom-daughter time..not saying my mom was a bad parents cuz she wasnt, she was awesome..but i was always missing doing stuff with her like that..and i was always to scared to mention it to her..well not scared, just embarrased i try something like that with yer girl..

    Answer by alexis_06 at 11:00 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • My son is 10 also & his dad & i r going thru the same thing. The pediatricain suggest behavioral counseling & it seems 2 b working bc it's getting easier 2 calm him down & talk 2 him. Also, it could be the beginning of puberty (the dr. & his counselor told us that 2). But as far as punishment, I agree w/ the other moms to find something that means alot & take it away. Also, let her know that her bahavior is just not acceptable & ask her how she would feel if someone were 2 treat her that way. Good luck!!

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 11:25 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • First I think that if you told her she can not go out on Halloween then you have to follow through with that. You can not make ideal threats. If she knows that you ground her and then you cave she is never going to think you are being true.

    As far as the yelling and stuff I have started doing this. First I tell my children that I will not talk to them while they are like that and I send them to their rooms. They are allowed to have whatever kind of tantrum they are going to have in there. Then I go in and we calmly talk about what is going on. I have found that if I am yelling and getting mad then it only makes things worse.

    Good Luck

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:36 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • sounds like you're on the right track--you may need to use a combo of positive and negative reinforcement though. And if you tell her that she is getting a certain punishment, it MUST happen, you can't back out on it or she won't respect that you mean what you say. Someone else suggested doing mother/daughter time and that is a good idea b/c she may be acting out to get attention. BUT that has to be a reward for being good for a specified time (like no tantrums for a week). You can't punish and reward at the same time.

    Answer by georgeswife5014 at 9:04 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • sounds like my 9yr old son

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:33 AM on Oct. 6, 2008