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3 Bumps

Should I forgive him?

Well yesterday my husband and I had a fight grante he was drunk and we both started to argue and he had said some nasty things to me and we had both stopes of ( that's the short nice version of the story) so today we woke up and the first things out of my mouth were look at me do I look happy I'm so emotionaly tierd I try so hard in this relationship that you seem so comferrable with not even trying. I'm phiacly sick I can't sleep or eat iv had 3 miscarages and with all of that I get stressed and hopeles. And I could see in his face he understood and the rest of the day he acted like he cared I don't know if he means it or not but it was an effort for me . And I was happy today. I haven't been this happy in a long while. But I don't know how long this may last and I'm scared it won't last that long I did tell him that but I don't think he grasps the point so I'm left here with a blind fold over my eyes. Should i forgive?

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jmcwilly

Asked by jmcwilly at 3:45 AM on Aug. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Level 12 (804 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • yes you should, there will be bumps in the road but dont give up momma!
    DeeMarie87

    Answer by DeeMarie87 at 3:50 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • I would say yes, it will be hard but drinking always makes things worse and the worse side come out of someone. Sit down and talk to him and let him know you you feel. Good luck!!
    iainsmommy

    Answer by iainsmommy at 3:59 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Okay forgiveness is not for the other person but a gift to yourself also you should find yourself a hobby or go back to school do something for yourself. Also start by talking and keep talking it can only help tell your DH what you think and how you feel do be as honest as possible? Find something just for you this will start to bring you joy and maybe even an outlet for yourself and a new beginning. GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 5:19 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • First, what was the fight about? Why are you so upset all the time? If you are not happy in your relationship, get out of it. Be happy. Or does all this stem from the miscarriages?  If so you need to sit him down a talk to him?

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:16 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • I'd say yes but I would take the time to sit down and talk about the issues. My husband and I will lay next to each other and take turns telling each other how we feel. We usually do this a day or so after a fight when we both are feeling fine. I try to really listen to his side of things because there are 2 sides to every story. I listen for things I can do better in the future to avoid the fight. Then I tell him how I feel as he listens. Since we've been doing this, we have less fights and we both feel heard and cared for. No one is perfect. It takes work to get it right.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 9:00 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • the lost baby is hard on any one but to lose three is even harder .the pain not knowing if you can or would have other child enter your mind .that leads to stress .but you are not alone your husband has gone through the stress with you .he feels your pain .yes he got drunk and say thing he wouldn't normal say to you. but men don't show their feelings like us woman they have to be strong for us.he see pain in your eyes in the way you walk and how you talk .and he crying inside .he needs you to hold him make it better heal togther work as one knowing his love is there built on that grow as one you will be strong as you ever have we all fall we all make mistakes and we grow from them .talk like you never talk before and you both heal belive in your love for each other it will grow into some thing wounder full and good luck
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 9:45 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • It depends on how many times you've been through this cycle. If this is a rare occassion, I would forgive and work toward making the relationship better. If this is a monthly thing? I'd think that you have some issues that need to be worked through.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 10:56 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • well that depends... it's hard to tell from your post but this sounds like it may be a pattern in your relationship. i can't tell if you both drank or just him but sounds like there is a problem with drinking and/or enabling going on that needs to be addressed. it's impossible to have a relationship with an insane person. this may include you. the definition of insanity: doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 12:30 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Well, since you are asking for opinions, here's mine. Stop drinking, both of you. Work on communications. We don't know what the fight was over, so it's hard to say what to forgive, but since you are married, and you didn't say you caught him cheating, we are more inclined to say yes, forgive him. Marriages have ups and downs, cycles. Mine does, that's for sure. My hubby and I know that, and knowing that is what keeps me from choking him sometimes. JK. But clearly alcohol is a contributing factor in the problem with ya'll. And that is something you two can cut out. And since you have a history of miscarriages, not drinking would be a good thing anyway. At least not to the point that you get drunk and fight, right? Maybe you should see a psychiatrist, and a therapist. But it's possible that you could be bipolar, a psychiatrist would make that diagnosis. That's my opinion, take it or leave it! GL!!
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 12:44 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Forgive him, if that's what you want, but you have to understand that people need time and patience to change. My DH seemed that way for a long time, but recently he has been wonderful. He has been more patient and understanding. He spends more time with the kids. We still have moments where we want to smack the other, but our relationship is better than ever. If you are willing to devote the time, he will get better. He will grow up and understand you more. That is what I had to wait for with my DH, was that he grew up. I know how frustrating and energy consuming, but like I said, if you really love him, try and stick it out. I'm sure he does understand how you feel; he just needs time to be able to work this understanding into his attitude. Good luck with what ever you choose.

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 3:48 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

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