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How do I react to my 18 yr old daughter whose hardly ever home but wants me to provide everything she needs?

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apiegurl

Asked by apiegurl at 7:47 AM on Aug. 8, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 12 (674 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • pack her bags and set them outside the front door and tell her she can't move back in till she's ready to help with the bills? I don't know. Just say no.
    jreneei

    Answer by jreneei at 7:51 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Talk things over with her. Tell her she is old enough to be contributing to household chores..........her own laundry at least, etc. Is she in school? If not, she needs to be working and contributing to the food and utilities. Make a list before sitting down and tell her how you feel taken advantage of.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 8:07 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • It sounds to me like she needs some responsibility. Does she have a job? If not, it's time she find one. Have her cell phone turned off. She's old enough to pay for her own. That's a start. Do you pay for the gas in her car? If not, time she pay for that one too. She lives in your house - no matter what age, there are rules. If she doesn't want to follow them, she can find somewhere else to live.
    mpeada

    Answer by mpeada at 8:55 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • By not doing it. By not providing everything she needs.

    And when she asks why, by explaining that she needs to accept responsibility for her own wants and needs. She's an adult. She needs to behave like an adult. She needs to be a contributing member of the household.

    It doesn't matter how old she is, you make the rules in your house and she needs to abide by them. If she'd rather not follow the rules, then she needs to move out and earn her own way in the world.
    justnancyb

    Answer by justnancyb at 9:28 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • You tell her that adulthood is a wonderful thing, and you're proud of her for being an adult, but it's a double edged sword. That either she's adult enough that she doesn't have to follow the rules and be respectful of the family (and that includes being there during family time, etc), then she's adult enough to support herself. If she's still dependent / child enough that she needs you to support her and take care of her, then she needs to respect the fact that she is still dependent / child enough to have to follow the rules...

    But that you don't want to be an ogre or a dictator about it, so you're willing to go over what you expect and what she expects, so that you can come to an understanding on what, exactly "family time" entails, and what, exactly, "your support entails" (and for how long, btw...) Maybe put it in writing - and stick to it!!

    gl!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:15 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Stop! Just Stop doing! She's old enough to do on her own. And if she's not home, then she doesn't need you doing for her. Otherwise she'll never be completely on her own.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 11:21 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • sounds like she needs some tough love there mom.... sit down and think of some hosue rules you think she needs to follow and things you think need to be done around the house by her. At 18 she is old enough to wash her own clothes, shop for and make her own meals, pay some rent to you (for room and board), cllean her room and pick up after herself. She also needs to respect you and let you know when she will not be coming home for dinner and or the night. You are not her maid, her cook, her taxi cab etc. sit down tonight make up the list make 2 copies 1 for you 1 for her have her sign them both so she cannot come back and say I didn't know G/L
    justgrape723

    Answer by justgrape723 at 5:11 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • My son is 19. Our arrangement is that if he is going to act like he's living on his own, or treating this house like a hotel, he can start paying hotel prices. If he wants to live here "rent free" he can do chores, interact with us, have conversations and act like a human being. It's still rent-free because he just finished school, makes enough money to feed and clothe himself and take care of his car and car insurance. Baby steps...baby steps...
    kjrn79

    Answer by kjrn79 at 5:29 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • She should be working a job or in school full time. If that is not the case,then I would tell her that one or the other must happen as long as she is staying in your home. I would sit down w/her and have her write down some goals,such as saving enough money to get her own apartment etc. She really should be get to work on goals that will help her grow into the life she wants.

    momthruivf

    Answer by momthruivf at 5:48 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Stop providing her anything at all! Let her get a job, pay her own bills, rent, food, insurance, car repairs. She thinks she's an adult, treat her like one! Write up a leese contract for her room with a rent amount. She's 18 and legally you ARE NOT responsible for her or her bills any longer.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 7:19 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

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