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How do I stop my 13 yr old from being so demanding?

He always acts like he can't get anything for himself. I probably shouldn't have done when he was small but now it's on going. He's driving me crazy.

 
apiegurl

Asked by apiegurl at 7:49 AM on Aug. 8, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 12 (674 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • cont

    You can tell him that he's 13, and a teenager now, so, how you treat him will be up to him - if he acts like a child, unable to do these simple things, etc - then you will treat him like a child... however, little children don't have cell phones, ipods, etc (if he has these things) - they don't play video games, they don't go hang out with friends, watch "big people" movies, etc... But, if he can show you with his actions that he's becoming more responsible, and becoming more grownup (note - I said MORE - not "IS" - stress that to him if need be lol) - well, then, you'll treat him accordingly - access to "big people" and "teen" things, activities, etc...

    It's going to be hard, and he's not going to like it, and he's going to be a jerk about it - but if you stick with it, it will work, and things will be MUCH better for both of you in the long run!

    GL!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:11 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • AS HIS MOTHER, I WOULD TELL HIM GET UP AND GET IT YOURSELF..HE IS 13 NOT 4... OTHERWISE IF HES GOING TO ACT HELPLESS.START TAKING AWAY ALL HIS BIG BOY STUFF....THAT SHOULD WORK.....
    suzi960

    Answer by suzi960 at 8:56 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Um, you have to stop doing things for him. You are not his maid, you are not his servant, and by continuing to do things for him you are setting him up for failure as he goes off to college because you won't be there with him to do his laundry, get his drinks, get his snacks, clean his room etc.

    So STOP doing and TEACH him to do himself.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 10:29 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Just one thought...........Sit down with him and calmly discuss the fact that he is getting older and can do a lot for himself. Make a list of specific examples before you start.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:57 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • When he demands something, tell him this is something you can get for yourself. Similarly, don't ask him to get you stuff if you can get it on your own.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:17 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • You tell him No. It's that simple. If he really wants something he can get off his butt and get it.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 8:29 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • By not giving in to his demands. If he chooses not to do for himself, he can do without. He's got to see that these types of things are his responsibility. Let's face it - if he's not bothering to get up and do for himself, it must not be that important to him.
    justnancyb

    Answer by justnancyb at 8:53 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Go on strike!!!
    SunShineMoMM

    Answer by SunShineMoMM at 9:23 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • It's going to be hard, because, and I do not mean this to sound mean, but you're right, you should have taught him this earlier - it works best if it's a slow and steady process. Plus, 13 is a very hard age - honestly, as the mom of a 17 yr old boy and a 16 yr old girl, those "tween" and early teen yrs were REALLY hard. BUT - it's not impossible - you can fix this :-)

    The next time he wants you to do something for him that he should be able to do for himself - you say to him "I'm going to do it this time, but you're going to come watch so you can learn how to do it next time, because I'm not going to do this for you anymore - you're big enough to do it for yourself." If he refuses to come watch - well, you refuse (nicely but firmly) to do it. He won't starve, go naked, or waste away to nothing - trust me... When he wants it bad enough, he'll watch. He'll be obnoxious about it, but he'll come do it.

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:04 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • cont

    When he starts to get nasty, or pulls the whole "but if you loved me" or "but you're the mom, it's your job..." stuff - you tell him he's right, you DO love him, and, as his mom, it's your job to make sure he learns how to be a self sufficient adult, and part of that is to be able to do ___ for himself. Leave it at that - refuse to fight with him about it. If, after you show him how to do something, expect him to do it after that. He might not remember how - fine - give him verbal instructions - even step by step if you need to, or even, in an extreme situation - watch him do it - but do NOT do it for him. (If, say, you're teaching him laundry, you might throw something in there about how it's important to learn this the right way, because if he ruins his clothes, there isn't money for new ones and he'll have to wear them like that...)

    Oh, one last quick thing - you can try telling him, as far as

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:07 AM on Aug. 8, 2010