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Advice? Comments? adult content

My Dh would do anything to be spending time alone, especially on weekends. He stayed up last night. Woke up late and ate breakfast, then an hour later when it time for Dd's lunch, he said I'm going to shower. Came back downstairs two hours later and went outside to mow. I feel like I live with a roommate. He doesn't feel the need to help take care of our child at all. He hasn't changed a diaper since she was like 6 months old. He doesn't feed her ever, he'd rather listen to her scream then get up and do anything about it. I've taken a 7 month break from working because I could no longer pump enough at work and I'm almost back to work again (less than a month left)... so it's not like I've been a SAHM her whole life.
Leaving him takes a plane ticket (we live in a diff country) and anytime he sees me looking at prices waiting for it to be affordable, he gets upset.. can't wait til I can find one around $500!... Ugh.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:00 AM on Aug. 8, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I didn't realize that you were talking of leaving him, dissolving your relationship, if this is so, then no wonder the poor guy is trying to avoid contact. He is probably hurting badly inside and doesn't know what to do about it. I thought you were talking about visiting your family. If you are leaving him and he knows it, then it must be excruciating for him. Do both of yourselves a favor and talk about this and come to a decision and a plan. Counseling, perhaps.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:50 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • If I knew my husband was looking for cheap plane tickets to leave me, I'd be distant, too. Do you want to try to save the relationship, or do you just want out? You need to decide that, and then either talk to him about fixing things, or find that affordable plane ticket.
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 8:08 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Men shut down when a women only focuses on the negative. Men tend to do all kinds of things for a women that holds them up and tells them how wonderful they are. Sure the bad things about our SO is annoying and it is easy to spend our time focusing on that. Start making positive comments to him, see what happens. If you want help with baby ask for it, but in a nonjudgemental and direct way. Then allow him room to make his mind up to help. If he changes one diaper to your 50, tell him thank you. The power of positive reinforcement is an under used method by women to get what they want from their men. Also you are either in or out. It is painful to a man to have his women halfway out of the relationship. Either give it your all or just spend the money on a plane ticket now.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 8:45 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • He works a full time job (if I interpreted what you said correctly) and mows, maybe does vehicle upkeep, and he probably feels that child care is primarily your responsibility. It sounds that there may be something else going on, some resentment. I wonder if talking it out in a non-accusing manner, or working with a counselor would help.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:07 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Wow you are between a rock and a hard place especially in another country. Sounds to me like he doesnt want a child or to be with you. Whether he knows it or not hes showing abuse to you and thats not right either. I have to say ive been in your shoes before and it was very hard to get out. You must be very careful and do everything right. Its a long process when it comes to leaving. But when the time comes take what you neccasarily need and contact some family to help you on your journey. I feel for you because it is dangerous and with a small child. If he has to watch the child i really feel for you when you go back to work. But the best place to start your process of leaving is at work save a few bucks at a time and look up plane tickets on your own tim there once you get that move on a little at a time. Remember though its a process dont be scared and itll work out in the end I promise. I've been there as well. BE SAFE!!!!
    apiegurl

    Answer by apiegurl at 8:11 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Have you actually sat down and NICELY talked to him about it? If he knows you're looking at plane tickets, just waiting to leave, he probably doesn't see a point in trying. Sounds like the two of you really need to have a heart to heart.
    hobbitswife04

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 8:57 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Anything can be sloved with a friendly communication. Instead of posting this here, you should have sent it to his email or written a note & left it for him. Lack of communication always hurts a relationship. Talk to him, & talk to him nicely. Like he is your friend & not just your husband. You are holding resentment towards him, he can probably feel that & is avoiding you becasue he's probably not too sure what's going on in your head. Men always try to avoid situations in which they can't understand. If he is working full time & taking care of things around the house while you took time off of work, then it is more YOUR responsibility to care for the baby unless otherwise discussed between you two, which i doubt has been discussed.

    How would you feel if you saw your DH always searching for a plane ticket out? Are you doing anything to help the relationship, or do you just expect things to get better on its own?
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:25 AM on Aug. 8, 2010