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2 Bumps

My SO told me its over and there is no turning back....

12 yrs and the final straw in our relationship was me blowing up about his mother in front of our daughter. He says he had it with me. We had other issues financial and my issues with his mother. We both said some really hurtful things to one another which I know was out of anger in both parts. He also revealed to me that he resented me going to school, supporting me and the family. We had our problems in the past but he says he is done and moving forward. Here's the thing I can't afford to pay the rent on my own, I was trying to see if there was any way to remedy this but it seems he is done. I told him that I agree we have hurt each both i apologized to him finally but he says it doen't matter. Now I trying to see if I can get another job because I work p/t. He says he wont leave unless I can do it but it is so intense in here that it breaks my heart I don't think we can do it like this. We cant even look at each other

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:09 AM on Aug. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Oh my. I am very sorry about the break up of your relationship. It must be extremely painful for you. At least he is willing to make sure you are on your feet before he leaves you. While he is willing to do that. take the opportunity to get whatever job training you need and a full time job. Check on day care, everything you need to set up on your own. If you give him a date that you think you'll be ready to be on your own, it might encourage him to actually help you out until that time instead of just walking away. Ask him about child support so you have that assurance.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:14 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Maybe you can suggest counseling. Even suggest you go by yourself. Sometimes the bulk of issues in a relationship are communication related. Counseling can turn that around. Otherwise, if he is very serious about this then just take the time to prepare yourself. Get another job. Find daycare. Consider moving if you need a cheaper place. Decide how will pay for what. Be polite to him. I hope it all works out. 12 years is a long time to just walk away from.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 8:25 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • I suggest counseling as well if ur both willing to do it. Both parties have to agree. U should at least get some child support or something if hes the father of your daughter. Hopefully he wont just leave u in that bad of a situation and hopefully he decides to at least let u get on ur feet before he leaves. good luck and i wish the best for you. P.S there are also government programs u can look into
    newmommyjazz

    Answer by newmommyjazz at 8:29 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • I'm planning to go to counseling for guidance on how to get through this difficult time. He says he is going to go on his own but not to see if we can work it out. I am so upset over this, I may have caused all this but I could not hold my feeling about his mom. He says he can't be with someone that dislikes his mother. A part of me feels that he will regret his decision, I actually told him that but he says he's done too much has happened b/w us and he just want to move forward.
    jenlesly

    Answer by jenlesly at 9:05 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • If he is done, he is done. Find yourself a job that allows you to pay the bills and take care of your family. If you still can't afford the rent, move to a smaller place.
    Whether or not you feel that he will regret his decision isn't the point. It really doesn't matter. That's his problem, not yours. If he's moving on, then your option is to accept that.
    justnancyb

    Answer by justnancyb at 9:23 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • I totally agree, get yourself in order and let him see you are able and willing to let go and move on. BUT, if by any chance he does make up, you have to remember, it' his MOTHER .Obviously as she may really make you mad or hurt you, mine did too, you'll have to learn to tolerate her and talk w/ a girlfriend or someone else, he doesn't want to hear it. As far as the othetr stuff counseling would be good, but it takes 2 to tango so both going would be best. I put up w/my MIL for 38 years & I finally just disassociated MYSELF from her, not my S/O or my kids, just me, then I didn't have to see her, or have anything to complain about.
    MyAngel003

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 9:57 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • I'm sorry for your family troubles, but remember you are a strong woman and you can do whatever it takes to move forward. Whether it means going to counseling or making plans for the future without him. I would suggest you go to see an attorney just to see what you're up against and what your options are. Good luck!
    lizard111

    Answer by lizard111 at 2:11 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • I am sorry that you are going through this. One thing you might want to look for is a roommate. Someone to help pay the bills. Eventually you will finish school and be able to find a job, but for now, you need to get out of the situation. It is also hurting your daughter. It seems to me, though, that he was probably looking for a way out for a long time. If it was something ridiculous about making blowing up about his meddling mother (I remember your other post) then he has been waiting to get out. You are strong, you just need to remember this. Good luck.

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 3:29 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

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