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Need help w. my mom *KIND OF LONG*

4 years ago left home and moved across the country to Southern california to be with my now husband who was in the military. Well 2 years ago we moved to georgia when he got out and my mom showed up on my doorstep. She packed her truck, quit her job and left NY to live down in georiga.
Since im the only person she has here, she is a very rude and mean person and its hard for her to make friends. She feels that i need to spend all of my spare time with her. She called yesterday to get my help for something, i told her we had plans with our neighbors that day, she threw a fit because she didnt know about it. But she wasnt invited. Her and my dad are divorced and my dad and his wife are coming up for 2 weeks and i told her that dad didnt want to see her, she threw a fit saying she was going to show up because he needs to grow up. i dont get it, How do i tell my mom she isnt invited to everything that my family wants to do?

 
SunShineMoMM

Asked by SunShineMoMM at 9:38 AM on Aug. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,323 Credits)
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Answers (16)

  • you can do two things, tell her that she is not invited or not tell her about the events. I think in the end, it would be better to not tell her about the events. If she is going to throw fits and act childish no matter what, then it is better if she doesn't know about what your family is doing. Also, you need to sit down with her and tell her that she needs to get some hobbies and help her look for some things that she can do that is close to where she lives. This will help her make friends. My mom was friendly, on the outside, but she had a harsh side about her. You need to figure something out because there will be a time when all you can remember is the whining and the fighting. Good luck.
    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 3:23 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • By being firm with your boundaries, not inviting her when you don't want her, being consistent in what you say and do. She doesn't have to be happy about it, and she won't. But her happiness is her responsibility, not yours.
    justnancyb

    Answer by justnancyb at 9:41 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Just like that. Tell her because of her rude attitude and pushyness not everyone wants her around. It is YOUR life not HERS! Stand your ground.
    kjbennett26

    Answer by kjbennett26 at 9:40 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • She just makes me feel guilty about it and i feel bad because i am the only person she has,
    She is a very big mooch as well, constintly asking me and my husband for money because she cant pay her bills. I had cut her off with money, but it means she goes without power for 2 weeks til she gets paid.

    Its not like she has a bad job, she has a great job. She has never been good about paying bills. She causes so much drama and almost ready to break all ties with her. i cant stand it.
    SunShineMoMM

    Comment by SunShineMoMM (original poster) at 9:43 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • What the other ladies said. It's her responsibility to find her own happiness and activities, not use you as a crutch. Good luck.
    Azure

    Answer by Azure at 9:44 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • well said justnancyb.
    Yes, she is your mother, but that doesn't mean that she has the right to butt into your life like she has been. It was her choice to move to GA, not yours. Let her know that you love her, but that she needs to respect your boundaries. That you love her and want to spend time with her, but not all the time.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 9:44 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • and then i find out the money we gave her to pay her bills shes giving to my dead beat sister who doesnt have a job and living off the government because shes lazy.
    SunShineMoMM

    Comment by SunShineMoMM (original poster) at 9:44 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • She needs to take care of herself and pay her own bills. Stand your ground and don't allow her to run your life!
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 9:45 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • You need to very nicely tell her, your Dad divorced her for a reason & one is not to be w/her and he has a right to come & visit you and enjoy his visit and be comfortable. It's your home & you have a right to enjoy his visit w/ your family w/out all that commotion. If she doesn't listen when explained nicely, you need to be nicel but FRANK with her as to why people don't like her around, but I'd try the nice way 1st and see how it goes. Your an adult with your own life and family, don't let her spoil and run it now, or she always will.
    MyAngel003

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 9:48 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Not really sure wht you should do but maybe just be honest with her...Good luck...
    Judmr

    Answer by Judmr at 9:48 AM on Aug. 8, 2010

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