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I tired of my insensitive husband-would you be?

My husband is missing a sensitive chip. Whenever I try to talk to him about something that's hurt me, he tunes me out. It's like I'm talking to a brick wall. He did the same thing when I was in the hospital giving birth to my son. He was on the phone most of the time and when I had painful contraction's, and tried to hold his hand he said "ouch" that hurts and pulled his hand away. He doesn't treat me badly or anything, but it's like the world just revolves around him. I'm sick of him. I'm not sure what to do.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:44 PM on Oct. 5, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Hes a man. Although the hospital thing would seriously bother me. Try to talk to him seriously about it. Dont cry. I dont think that would go well, judging from your question. Definitely talk to him though because you could easily build up resentment.
    LovinMyMikayla

    Answer by LovinMyMikayla at 8:46 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • Maybe give him a taste of his own medicine. I'm sure that if he believes the world really does revolve around him that that also means you are doing most of the work at home- Like laundry, meals, etc... maybe if the your world only revolved around you and your LO for a few days he would get the point. For example, do your laundry but not his. make your dinners, but again not his. And when he asks you what is going on - respond to him however he usually responds to you, when somethig is bothering you. I have no idea if this will work or cause more probs, so only do it if you think it might mean something to him. Maybe though he just doesn't know what it feels like to have ur needs (both physical and emotional) ignored. Good luck!
    mommyof5boys543

    Answer by mommyof5boys543 at 8:55 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • You can't change anyone, you can only change how you respond to them. He may be sitting there on Cafe Dad saying "Why is my wife so sensitive? She's always so emotional. I don't know what to do!". Or he maybe just one of those men brought up never to be sensitive or emotional because it makes them less, somehow, of a "man".

    All you can do is to tell him, without being accusatory or blaming, and without being overtly emotional (ie crying), exactly how you feel and what you need from him. He could be clueless, because when you've talked to him in the past you were too emotional, he got scared and tuned you out. Men are "fixers"...if they can fix it they will, and if they can't they will pretend it doesn't exist.
    jespeach

    Answer by jespeach at 9:08 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • I have a great book I'd love to suggest to you. However, it rubs a LOT of women the wrong way, and it's written by a Christian.... however, if you're interested in the title, and reading an excerpt, send me a message =)
    dedicatedrider

    Answer by dedicatedrider at 9:10 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • This may seem strange, but he may think you like it the way it is. I spent a lot of time in the early years of our relationship trying to make myself out to be this tough, I can handle anything, I don't need sympathy type woman. So, my husband wasn't there for me when I needed sympathy. In the last few months, I have stopped trying to control things and admitted that I am vulnerable and he has become more sensitive. Its been hard, lots of times I want to scream and yell instead of saying I'm upset, scared, or whatever feeling would require his sensitivity, but when I do, he helps alot. And I couldn't just lash out yelling for sympathy. I had to let my walls down and actually say what I felt. If it was a money issue, I had to actually say "I'm worried we don't have enough for XX" And he would calm down and be more sensitive. I know this isn't the case for everyone, but just wanted to offer a different perspective. you.
    chillemi78

    Answer by chillemi78 at 9:10 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • I actually have the same problem. and i dont know what to do either. I have even gone so far as not have sex for forever cause he cant take time for my (emotional) needs. He is a wam bam thank you man
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • Yep sounds like the male of the species to me! He's uncomfortable with feelings in general, he probably thinks the world would be a better place without them. You can either accept him as he is and try to educate him slowly or be upset all the time. You choose. He won't change fast if at all. Find a good girlfriend to be your confidant since he makes such a poor one. Good luck to you, I know the feeling!!
    shmorris56

    Answer by shmorris56 at 10:58 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

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