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concerning parents that sexually abused you-what would u do

i saw a quest here earlier about a girl that was molested by her parents and she doesn't talk to them anymore.someone replied that she was wrong.I have to say stay away from them.you are not wrong they deserve every punishment they get and its a shame that people try to make you feel bad for not talking to them.they hurt you and u have every right to banish them from your life even if they said sorry.does anyone agree?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:55 PM on Oct. 5, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • yes whoever told her that hasn't experienced it or forgives way to easily. just because its here parents doesn't mean she has to forgive and forget.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:57 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • I agree. I was in a very similar position with my father (although she said parents - like both were involved? But I am not sure) and at first I ignored it and basically forgot about it. With the help of my SO I have faced what my father did to me and have decided that I no longer want him in mine or my child's life. Does this hurt him? Probably, since I went on for 8 years acting like nothing was wrong. Do I care? No, not really.

    Oh, and for anyone religious out there who is going to tell me that I should forgive him and blah blah blah, please don't, I am not religious and could care less about the man that raped me. Thanks.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 8:59 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • you shouldn't have to have a relationship just cause there your family. i had the same thing. people kept saying that with counceling i should be able to forgive my dad and re kindle the relationship. I DONT WANT TO REKINDLE THE RELATIONSHIP. i say they deserve to hurt just like they hurt her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:07 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • I think it would be wonderful if she could take such an incredible attitude of forgiveness. Wonderful for her, that is, because it would release her from a lifetime of poisonous (although understandable) anger and contempt, and might help her heal. But it is not that simple. She has to do whatever makes her feel safe, and that might mean cutting off contact forever if her parents are still abusive people. It is not wrong to cut off contact. But it is not wrong to re-establish contact, either. It all depends on the circumstances, how she feels about it, and where she is in her recovery (and they in theirs). I believe that all things can be forgiven, and forgiveness helps the victim just as much if not more than it helps the offender. I am a survivor of childhood molestation, as well as a survivor of violent crime, and I am only speaking from my own experience.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:13 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • You do not have to expose yourself to bad people, regardless of whether or not they're related...whoever said that was wrong. Forgiveness is one thing...I believe you should always try to forgive. Not for their sake, God NO, but for your own, so you are able to let go of the toxic emotions they brought into your life. Forgive, but NEVER forget. It isn't about revenge, it isn't about getting back at them...it's about ridding your life of toxic people who cause you nothing but pain. They do NOT have the right to be a part of your life just because they're related by blood.
    jespeach

    Answer by jespeach at 9:14 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • I was raped by my cousin as a young girl on more than one occasion. Recently a friend of my DH overheard me saying that I hoped this cousin (who was wanted for a laundry list of crimes) put up a fight and forced the cops to kill him. He thinks I am just the coldest person in the world, I am sure...but I didn't feel like explaining to him the nightmare this person caused for me for YEARS, things that still have a effect today. Not to mention, I wasn't the only one. The crimes he was running from included home invasion and rape. He's gotten out of jail by turning informant ( I am disgusted they'd EVER let him on the streets), and he is not reformable. I may have moved on, but I don't... and I won't... forget.
    jespeach

    Answer by jespeach at 9:16 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • give me a break. forgiveness means to act like it never happened. how can you look at your own parent and nor remember what they did to you? it will haunt a person the rest of there life. you dont "forgive" someone that hurt you in this way. you move on with your life but you dont have to "forgive" them
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:17 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • why aren't people like this in prison? i hope everyone of us teaches our kids to tell us no matter what if this ever happens to them. i am a childcare provider and too many times i see children that are from abusive homes and how it effects there life. shame on parents that do that to there own kid.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:20 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • I agree with forgive but not forget written above.... I will add guard your heart for everything else flows from it. My mother was molested by her step-father, because she chose to keep them in her life as well her sister...me and my cousins were molested by him too. Therefore I keep boundaries up with my own parent's now that I have my own children for they proved that they do not understand "guard the heart."
    RainyRainbow

    Answer by RainyRainbow at 9:21 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • You can forgive a person, because it will actually help YOU to heal, but that DOES NOT MEAN that you have to allow them back into your life. My 79 year old mother once put it this way to me as an analogy, and it made sense: "Ok pothole, I forgive you for tearing up my tire,-- but I will never drive down that road again." In other words, forgive but move on and stay away from what caused the hurt, or it has the potential to happen again. Forgiving your parents and moving on is one thing. You don't have to let them back into your life, or pretend like the abuse never happened.
    Aprilmorgans

    Answer by Aprilmorgans at 9:27 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

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