Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

If I break up with up with him, he'll try to get custody of our daughter...what do I do?

He and I don't have any "legal" custody arrangements. I have been our 2 year old's primary caretaker since she was born. I take her to all her dr's appts, I do all her shopping, take her to the park, you name, I do it. He has obviously helped, and helped to make some key decisions about her, but the buck stops with ME.

I want to break things off with him, but I'm afraid that he'll try to get partial custody of her. He lives with his meddling mother, and I KNOW she will con him into taking me to court (I hate her...she is always in our business, and he submits to her like a dog to his master). I don't mind him having visitation with her, but I don't want her shuffled from one home to another. Do I have any rights in this regard?

He has bi-polar disorder, and is very unpredictable. He has a temper like you wouldn't believe. He's never been violent towards out child, but he gets really loud with her sometimes.


Asked by Anonymous at 2:14 PM on Aug. 8, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • Go to a mediator, this will save the court issue and you can not only work out visitations, but what he will give you in child support as well.

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 2:18 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • when i went thru this twenty two years ago, i was told by a reputable source that when i decided to leave, i should do it while he was gone to work, or away from the home...then because i had her, my daughter, with me, then he was not able to do anything about it until a judge decides which meant he had to get an attorney, which he didn't, I did, because we were married and i also wanted a always threaten they will take the baby from us but it is just usually a tactic to keep us where they want us...unhappy...once u have an attorney you can explain the emotional issues your baby's father exhibits and he will advise you on what to do...also, he did call the law but there was nothing they could do because according to the police i did not have to turn her over especially if there was abuse or if i was worried for my daughters safety...and i was...just giving u some insight....

    Answer by bentheredonthat at 3:41 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • I agree

    Answer by mamaofficer at 2:21 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • It depends on the state. Some states he would get joint custody, it's the norm. You can usually find out what your states Guidelines are online.

    Talk to a lawyer and see if you can move across the country with your child. Since you aren't married you may be able to. He may not follow you. If he does at least it eliminates his family. Once you get support, custody, & visitation set up you may never be able to leave your state.


    Answer by Gailll at 2:27 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Go to an attorney (or Legal Aid) and tell them to give you sole custody. Joint custody only means he can have a say so in decisions regarding her life. You can have sole physical custody and he can have visitation. You tell the lawyer what you want.

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:17 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • I would say go and talk to someone and explain everything to them before you do anything.

    Answer by LiLJeni at 2:30 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • If you were never married then you have custody, babies born out of wed lock become sole custody to the mother, father's do not have rights other then to pay child support.
    Typically when the woman is the sole caretaker of the child the judge sides with the mother esspecially if she is not married. If your married then there can be a bigger fight.
    I tried the mediator with my last husband and he danced circles around the woman , telling her everything she wanted to hear, he never stuck to his end.
    Good luck and I wouldn't worry since you are providing all the care to your child.

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 2:30 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Your best bet would be to consult with a lawyer and find out what the child custody laws are in your area, what your legal rights are and what would happen if he does take you to court.
    Good luck!

    Answer by MizLee at 3:12 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Not to be rude, but if he has a diagnosis of bi-polar, the courts will probably arrange for him to have supervised visitation.

    Answer by ambr2006 at 6:34 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • This is what you need to do, fear not my dear...

    Go to court & get a temporary custody order. This will give you soul custody until the court thing is over. Judges NEVER give dad's more rights unless the dad can prove you are unfit. So, if you do drugs, then he can get custody of her. But if you don't do drugs & you prove ot be a responsible person, do not fear. The court knows that young children should be with momma. They may grant him visitation like every other weekend, & you should be OK with that. It will look bad on you in the courts eyes if you do not ever want your child to see his father, courts don't like that. So, try to agree on every other weekend, If you guys can agree on that, then you can avoid lawyers. If you don't agree then they will take it up with the judge who will most likely give you your way since you are the mother. RARELY do courts give the dad more time than necessary.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:37 PM on Aug. 8, 2010