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How do I get him to understand??

My husband doesnt listen to anything I say. He knows what pushes my buttons and does or says them anyway. Does anyone else have this problem? What do you do??

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Asked by mommaof3girls24 at 3:29 PM on Aug. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Level 9 (348 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Sounds like a communication issue. Not just a refusal to listen to you.

    You two ( I'm willing to bet) have different communication styles. So when you try communicating to him, he doesn't "Get it" because he really doesn't understant what you are trying to convey to him.. and vice a versa.

    Have the two of you ever learned each others communication styles? If not. Get your hands on some books about marital/relationship communication and learn..

    The majority of problems in a relationship are caused by : miscommunication, poor communication and no communication.

    If you learn how to communicate your needs, your wants, what's wrong..etc.. in his communication style, then he will most likely "get it" and be able to actual understand what you are saying.. and vice a versa.. Then the two of you can start working together instead of against one another.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:32 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Dont let these things bug you, maybe when he sees that they no longer bother you he will stop? Good luck to you!

    Answer by SunShineMoMM at 3:33 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Sounds like you're both communicating like crazy and both failing to understand what is being communicated.

    Your husband is probably overwhelmed by the volume of words --men can't readily track complex and convoluted conversation, nor can they deal with hearing your whole thought process. They like 'the point.' As in 'get to the point.' Try getting to the point in incomplete sentences, and then, when faced with that idiotic 'hunh?' face, do NOT supply any additional information, explain your point or continue speaking. When you see the 'hunh?' face, it means he's processing, not confused. More words are confusing.

    He is trying to tell you that you're pushing his buttons. Men retaliate when they're criticized, dismissed, condescended at, told (one way or another) that they're stupid, or treated with disrespect and contempt.

    I'd be all over your side, if he was asking the question, but you are. You can only change you.

    Answer by LindaClement at 3:37 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Here is an article about the communication differences between men and women by Tannen, an expert on the topic.


    Answer by Gailll at 3:40 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • When I feel my husband isn't listening, I stop talking. Sooner or later it gets too quiet for him.

    Answer by Adelicious at 3:46 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • There is a good book called For Better or for Best by Gary Smalley. See if your library has it. Just read the chapter about your problem if you don't want to read the whole book. He is a smart man (Mr Smalley, not your dh!)

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:25 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • That was one of the many things my Ex husband did....clearly I divorced him
    I would just tell him that the way he treats you is not acceptable. He should not push your buttons just to piss you off. He should respect you and your feelings. Tell him if he cannot fix it on his own then you both should go see a marriage therapist

    Answer by justgrape723 at 4:27 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • stop allowing the button pushing to happen and don't react to his words. they're just words and he's just doing it to see how far he can push you - like a child. so respond the way you would to a child that is testing your limits. and feel free to call him on it... you don't want him to think he's really getting over on you do you? you don't have to be rude just say "you know i don't like when you say that kind of stuff and i want you to stop now." if he doesn't walk away and refuse to engage in the game.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 11:57 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

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