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About to go insane! (kinda long)

I have the laziest husband in the world. I am a SAHM so the cleaning & cooking & taking care of the kids is on me ..And I am fine with that. But there is a line that shouldnt be crossed.. I am not my husbands personal slave...And he makes me feel that I am. He never does anything when he is home.. He leaves clothes on the floor, dirty dishes on the table/in the living room. When he gives my kids a bath he leaves there dirty clothes on the floor. The garage is just a disaster...He will leave random things laying around the house like tools, his work bag, playstation controllers etc. I have tried organizing all of his things many times in hopes he would keep up with it but he never does...He rarely ever helps me do anything with the kids unless I ask him to & even then he gets attitude & wonders why I cant do it...When I ask him to put things away & he dont after about a week I get pissed then he calls me a bitch...What do I do?

Answer Question
 
MommaOf2Boys10

Asked by MommaOf2Boys10 at 9:25 PM on Aug. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (25 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • Whoa... I am checking to see if I wrote this. So familiar!

    (Wait, your husband has tools, implying he at least did work on something at one time. Nope, I didn't write this! Lol.)
    LittleWeloosMom

    Answer by LittleWeloosMom at 9:31 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • LOL he has tools because heaven forbid if something OF HIS needs work....like his truck or boat ----- but around the house or my car? LOL yeah right!!!!!!! He only does what HE wants to do....
    MommaOf2Boys10

    Comment by MommaOf2Boys10 (original poster) at 9:33 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Don't take this the wrong way, but he probably wonders what you do all day -- not that you don't do anything, he just doesn't know what being a SAHM entails, kwim? He probably also has different standards of 'clean' and 'organized' than you do. Especially with the garage - which he probably views as his personal domain. & if you nag him about it, he's just going to dig in his heels and refuse to do anything. I would do this - have a heart to heart with him about the housework and child rearing responsibilities. Explain that why it's so important for him to contribute and how you would like the house to stay clean, etc. If he still doesn't contribute and treat you like an equal partner, I would let it slide. Let the stuff in the garage pile up, it's his domain, after all. If you do clean up after him or organize something for him, tell him you took care of X or Y but do so in a loving manner. He might surprise you!
    MommaofH2

    Answer by MommaofH2 at 9:39 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • He's a man. He's acting like a man. You've known that he's like this and you are old enough to know he won't change. The garage is his place so you shouldn't be in his man cave anyway. As for inside the house, men like him think women like house stuff. They think it gives them purpose in life. He's obviously not one who wants play time with kids. Many guys are like that. You can't change the man. Just accept him if you are going to remain with him and don't yell at him, he has a mom.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:42 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Seriously, if you are a SAHM, keeping the house is part of your job. Sure, your husband should be parenting along with you but if he is working a job outside of the home and you are there all day with the children then the majority of the housework, cleaning and childcare are your responsability. I am not saying that he should be a pig and all of his belonging all over the house. That is a bit extreme. It sounds like maybe you need to go on strike. .... stop picking up after him, doing his laundry, dishes and cooking for a week and see how that works....
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 9:50 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • I know how you feel. It can be frustrating. Even if it is your job as a sahm, it would still only be considerate of him to pick up after himself. He doesn't get a free pass to throw his stuff on the ground.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 9:53 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Since all of you are kinda saying the same thing, let me elaborate a little bit...I know I mentioned the garage in the first post, I dont typically complain alot to him about the garage but it drives me insane because he leaves sharp objects/tools just laying all over the floor and my three yr olds outdoor toys are stored in the garage so whenever he wants to play outside we have to walk through all my husbands crap to get my kids toys out....I honestly think the point in a TOOLBOX is to keep your tools in them...And he just thows some of his stuff around like it is nothing that we spend alot of money on...I try to let it not get to me but it does bc I just want him to take care of the things we spend our money on....And I know that I am a SAHM and my job is the kids and housework ( i noted that I was okay with that) BUT im not a personal slave for him.....he comes home to a clean house then leaves his shit on the floor...
    MommaOf2Boys10

    Comment by MommaOf2Boys10 (original poster) at 9:59 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • I noticed you said something about my kids. Are they not his kids too? Is he the stepdad? Didn't you know he was a slob when you married him? If you love him pick up after him. Maybe his mother always did & he thinks you are an extension of his mom.
    zoolady12

    Answer by zoolady12 at 10:00 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • waiting for me to pick it up...I will nicely ask him to put this (whatever it may be ) away, and he either says " I will" and never does or takes it from me and just sets it somewhere else where it does NOT belong....and leaves it there...I just feel that he thinks to himself "oh my wife will get it.." and that makes me feel like his personal slave.. I cook and clean and take care of the kids and wash his clothes and put them away nicely....What is wrong with asking him to just pick up after HIMSELF? Just bc im a sahm does not make me his slave .....My duty is not to pick up his dirty clothes because he was too lazy to put them in the hamper....or his tools that he leaves on the floor when i have a 10 month old crawling around....he should know okay im done with this let me put it away so the baby dont get it.....And i have nicely told him this and it does nothing....alll I want is some tips to help him understand???
    MommaOf2Boys10

    Comment by MommaOf2Boys10 (original poster) at 10:02 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

  • Oh sorry, I did not notice i said my kids... but no he is the biological father.
    MommaOf2Boys10

    Comment by MommaOf2Boys10 (original poster) at 10:04 PM on Aug. 8, 2010

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