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I don't know what to do

My daughter is almost 9 months old. DH had to be away from us for 3 months (June, July, and August). Now she doesn't know him, and will hardly have anything to do with him, she just wants me. He makes her laugh... but that's about it.
This is breaking his heart. What do I do??


Asked by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on Oct. 5, 2008 in Babies (0-12 months)

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Babies go back and forth, its nothing personal (but it sure feels that way)...Sophie has been a momma's baby, a daddy's girl, there was even a time where she prefered the babysitter...

    Just have him keep playing with her, as well as doing regular things like feeding her and changing her...leave the house or the room so they have daddy-baby time, if you guys are worrying because she starts fussing when she's with daddy and then you take over, you are reinforcing her idea about mommy over daddy. Maybe have him take over a specific chore most days and have it be "their" thing--my husband does bathtime (he makes really great sound effects for her toys) and gets our daughter ready for bed on most evenings.


    Answer by thalassa at 7:35 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • just keep working with her and she will come around she just doesnt remember but she will!

    Answer by 4lyfe56 at 10:47 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • Tell him to be patient. To a certain degree it would be happening anyway, even if he hadn't left. Dads are big hairy scary creatures with booming voices who look, smell and sound different from Mom. That's scary to a little baby, even if they've been with dad all along.

    This is not a permanent situation, not by any means. Tell him to keep doing what she does like. As she becomes more mobile, she'll start thinking of daddy as the fun parent. And guess what happens next? MOM gets ignored!

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:49 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • people go through this all the time, just relax. my dh is leaving for a year deployment soon, and right now our DD is only 10 weeks, so we'll be going through this later as well. just take it one step at a time. have some family time, let him play with her while you're there in the room, so she feels safe and secure. do this for a while until she's warmed up to him, and lets you start at least leaving the room. once she starts letting you leave the room, she might get a little scared the first couple of times you leave the room, just be sure to go back into the room to reassure her that you are still there. after a while of this, she'll be warmed up to him and let you leave the house to do some errands. it will take a while, but you can do it! also, make sure you keep telling her that he is "dada" or "daddy", whichever you say. GL

    Answer by armywife43 at 10:49 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • It may not just be due to his absence. It is pretty common for a baby to behave like that for a period of time around that age. My husband works from home so he is around our son all the time. But when our son was around the same age as your little one, he only wanted me. Only I could comfort him or hold him. He wouldn't let his dad do a thing. Within a few months he came around, and now at 17 months daddy is his favorite person and I am playing second fiddle.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:52 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • sometimes kids do this even with the other person has not been away. don't give up she will come around just give her some time. Some kids take longer to warm up than others. My DH is in miltary and has been gone for a year. We keep up photos all around the house of him and that helps. my daughter is 2 now, but when she was under a year it still helped to show her pictures and say daddy.

    Answer by discoverytoygal at 11:04 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • The others are will take time, he is a virtual stranger to her. She will come around in time :). Help him to remember not to take it personally. She needs to get to know him :).

    Answer by mistynights234 at 11:34 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • Hey my daughter is 9 months, has been around my DH her whole life, and still doesn't want him around her a lot! And he plays with her and spoils her and she still just wants me all the time. My DH used to get so heart broken but he got over it and just realizes shes with me more. Tell him not to feel bad. She'll come around and babies are just naturally closer to their mama anyway.

    Answer by JoonBug21 at 1:41 AM on Oct. 6, 2008