Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

Foster care

My husband and I were talking about fostering children when our youngest turns 5 or 6 (she's 3 right now). A few 'issues' we were trying to work through are (and I'm hoping someone can help):

- I'm in college and by the time my DD turns 5 or 6, I'll almost be finished and I'll want to have a JOB - even though we DO want to foster. We want to foster small children but I would have to put a little confused child in daycare or something. Does anyone else foster AND work? How is it?

- My husband said his main "issue" is that he would HATE for a child to come from a terrible background to live with us (we're all happy, healthy) and then have to go back to their terrible homelife. He says it would make HIM feel guilty (to which I said "so nobody should ever foster because you don't want to give a kid a sense of safety?" and he said no, that wasn't what he meant.) How does that affect you?
- And how does it affect your kids?

Answer Question

Asked by Blubuni99 at 1:42 AM on Aug. 9, 2010 in Adoption

Level 16 (2,562 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I think it's great fostering any kids, but I must say older kids REALLY need homes. I am very aware of the foster care situation in my home state and there are plenty of kids that have been waiting til their 12-13 years old and then on their 18th birthday they're literally awakened at midnight and asked to leave. No money, no car, nada. And it's perfectly legal for them to do so because they are grown. However, a lot of the places and residential facilities will not let you work so you have little control of your situation. If your life has already been hectic enough, why would anyone allow the beginning of your adult life to start you off as homeless?

    Not trying to talk you into it. Just think about that. Either way you go, you'll be helping a life. Unfortunately, older kids and teens do not have much help to begin with. Little ones have waaay more. <3

    Answer by Glamourina at 1:47 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • There are some great fostering groups on this site you can check out too. I'm not a foster parent, but I stick around here because adoption might be in my future, and I have friends in adoption and foster groups that say they are really great and supportive about answering questions for potential foster parents. Your husband's concern is one that my husband and I both share. And... there is really no good answer. That might happen. It might be terrible. One thing I have resolved to do once my girl is a little older is be a guardian-ad-litem/CASA volunteer to be a voice for kids in court to help ensure that doesn't happen. We also plan to do respite care before actually taking the leap of accepting children into our home... respite is basically babysitting for another foster couple, but you are passed by the state to be a-ok babysitters.

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 1:53 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • I don't know,but I wouldn't think CFS would let you work & foster a child. Isn't that the purpose of fostering,to be there for the child 24/7?

    Answer by zoolady12 at 2:02 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • Glamourina - the only way I would want to foster older kids would be if my kids were already grown. I don't trust hardly ANYONE around my girls and I wouldn't want to bring a strange (older) kid and put ANYONE in a situation that could be bad. If you know what I'm saying. So if we DID foster older kids, it wouldn't be until my girls were in high school or more likely college.

    Comment by Blubuni99 (original poster) at 2:09 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • DHS lets you foster kids when you work. My Mom was a foster parent for several years and worked FT the entire time.

    I understand what you're saying, I was just informing you of some hard truths about foster kids. It's very tough on them all around.

    Answer by Glamourina at 2:12 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • OP-I'm a foster parent who wanted to originally adopt from the state. We became dually-licensed for both fostering & adopting. We wanted to adopt an infant since we hadn't had children before. My thinking was: Infants come into care, they need a home as well. Why not mine? Everyone has an age that they prefer.

    I think you are very wise to wait until your DD is a little older. Others have done differently, but we wouldn't take in any children older than the youngest in our care. We've adopted thru the state. It took over 3 years. Our son is now 3 years old. We wouldn't taken any placements older than he is.

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 11:49 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • It is possible to be a Foster Parent and work. I have several friends who do it. I am also a Foster Parent. I can tell you that it is VERY Hard to grow to love these children and watch them leave. It breaks your heart to know that they are going back to a bad situation but you have to know that you have made a difference while you had them. It is possible to sometimes make friends with the birth parents so that you can still be a part of the childs life after they return home. Best of Luck. One word of advice I would give you is to never take a placement older than your oldest child. It really can hurt your child more than you know.

    Answer by hsmominky at 1:14 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • I'm a foster parent and have always worked. My mom is my main babysitter and depending on the age they go to preschool at our church or school near my parents house. They have never had a problem with this and you will find that the children actually trive on a regular routine.

    Contrary to popular belief you do not fall in love with every child that comes into your home. There are some that you will cry when they leave and others that you'll feel a huge relief when they go. You want things to be better when they go home but then you get a call and the next ones come in and you must concentrate on them. If you think about it are there not kids that you meet at the playground that you can't stand for whatever reason? Now imagine that child in your home. You care for them and try to show them what a "normal" family is. Every child is different and your reactions to each of them will be different as well.

    Answer by baconbits at 10:18 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • bump

    Answer by san78 at 6:32 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.