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@Moms who are NOT married, how do you feel about marriage?

I am not married and never ever want or plan to be. My SO (whom I have been with about 3 years) has proposed to me a couple times, and I continue to turn him down. I don't believe in this archaic ritual, I see no valid reason for it.

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truthteller0722

Asked by truthteller0722 at 2:33 AM on Aug. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Level 19 (6,797 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I see how it is archaic and we don't need the title (because we are already married and behaving as such) or the paper. I also think it's unfair that some people are currently being discriminated against when it comes to marriage. All that aside, my SO proposed and I accepted because he wanted to and I have no real objections (it won't hurt me) and a ceremonial celebration of our love will be nice (but obviously not necessary). I also think, having the automatic legal rights to, say, visit him in the hospital, will be nice. We have a will set up for our daughter's sake, but no living wills or power of attorney. But, I could also go without it just fine, and have done so for almost four years. We obviously didn't marry when I was pregnant, although we were asked about it a billion times. It wasn't important to me to plan a wedding at that time. I respect everyone's right to make whatever decision is best for their family.
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 3:05 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • BTW, my daughter has my last name and I'm keeping my name.
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 3:05 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • Marriage is fine. I dont think I would turn my SO down everytime he proposed....he might get the wrong impression? Whats it hurt or matter if u do get married? Just curious. If u are really against it for some reason, maybe u two arent meant for eachother. He keeps asking u, but he knows u dont want to. Maybe he is the "marrying" type and he needs that for him to feel complete.
    Mom2Rylin

    Answer by Mom2Rylin at 3:44 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • What happens if your S/O dies? You have no right to his belongings or his Social Security. I like knowing I have legal rights to my husband and our children are not illegitimate and I like all of us having the same last name.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 8:48 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • I used to be like you. But, my SO really wanted to get married & i love him & i never want us to be apart. I married him because i love him & it is what he wants, what he was raised to do. Our relationship is not different at all since we've been married. The only difference is that we feel more secure in our relationship. Marriage was important to my SO & i didn't want to jeopardize our realtioship because of my own selfish reasons not to get married. I'm glad we did, it was a wonderful decision & i'm glad that i'm not so weird about marriage anymore. I now think it's a wonderful thing. There is a valid reason for it, your SO wants to have a wife. Is that not valid enough for you? Are his feelings & desires not justified? what are your negative views on marriage?

    BTW It's true that married couples try harder to make the relationship good, than non married couples. Non married coupled have a higher break up rate.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:19 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • My SO and I are "engaged" we intend to get married... eventually... sometime. But we're getting handfasted, not married. We haven't decided if we want it to be on paper or not yet- we just want a commitment ceremony to one another.
    Annabel1809Lee

    Answer by Annabel1809Lee at 9:28 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • I want to be married. i can't explain it. I just know i do.
    EttaMay

    Answer by EttaMay at 10:15 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • A marriage license gives you many legal protections, that would cost thousands of dollars in legal fees. Did you know that if your SO is hospitalized, not only will you have no say in his treatment, you can be banned from his hospital room?
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 8:17 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • Just answering some of the notions posted. No child is illegitimate. My child is legitimate. I am legitimate. That's a hateful term. To that same woman, both my SO and I have wills that put all of our belongings in the hands of the other, to use as the other sees fit for care of our child. I'm also the beneficiary of his life insurance. Also, you can have a living will. You can put the person is in charge of making medical decisions for you. I've never actually seen the visitation thing be enforced anyway, nobody checks if you say sister. But the LW could cover that too.

    Anyway, my parents were never legally married, but they have been together 30 years. I didn't even know that they weren't married until I was 16. And by contrast, I don't have a single aunt or uncle on either side still married to their spouse. Can't think of any older couple I know actually. Marriage is so not a guarantee of staying together
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 11:38 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • We actually plan to get married, but mostly for a celebration/ceremony of our ALREADY EXISTING commitment. We might sign papers too, mainly for the tax break, since we already have other paperwork in place. But, under no circumstances would a sign marriage papers because I had the false ideal that it would make us immune to breaking up. That's ridiculous, I think. I also think anyone going into marriage thinking that way is more likely to be divorced. Marriage isn't a guarantee of anything. Plus, I want my husband to have an out. I don't ever want him to stay with me unhappily because he feels he has to because he doesn't want the trouble of divorce or because he signed some papers. Yuck. Anyway, I'm keeping my name even if we marry. It's fine that you like all having the same name, but that's not a condition or marriage anyway, so its irrelevant.
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 11:41 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

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