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Can somone help with words of wisdome on how to help this 5 yr old?

ok noah who is 5 years old has just been sperated from his mom about 3 weeks ago he and his three siblings live with me.(im there aunt) well anyway just a few days ago he has been going through some things that i think its because of the seperation but. i knoe he still needs to be corrected because i don't allow that type of behavior(kicking,slapping,punching his sisters)and now he is doing #2 in his pants today alone he changed his sorts 5 times and hid his shorts and underware. we tell to stop doing things constantly.( i do time outs,face the wall,slap him,scold him ,talk to him) the girls has or i should say is adjust ok. but i just want to make sure that im not using the seperation as an excuse but i know that its a part of it what should i do before the 1year old picks up this habit or the rest of them.(the ages are 1-3-4) yes so close in age.

 
ECHO6383

Asked by ECHO6383 at 3:07 AM on Aug. 9, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Did he do these things when he was with his mom?
    He could be acting normally (for him) and this is what he did to get his mom's attention (either negative or positive).

    Unfortunately, I think your usual punishments should be put on hold for a little bit. When he does something bad, remove him. It's possibly he is just craving interaction with other people, and by removing him - you are telling him that he can not get that when he acts that way. If he can't communicate his feelings to you, then communicate to him. Tell him you know he's angry/mad/sad but we do not do that in this house. And when you do, you need to go calm down alone.

    Have you also thought of getting all the kids a counselor? Even if they seem to be adjusting - they may need someone to talk to outside the family.

    Good luck! I'm glad they have you to live with during this time.
    ARmom

    Answer by ARmom at 10:46 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • Give him some loving, make a special time to hold him, even just pat him on the head, tell him what an awesome kid he is, bring him a sucker, ask him what you can do to make sure he knows he's special, take time to tuck him in at night, play a special game that he likes. I know how hard its got to be for you, wow, 4/3 kids at one time? On top of your kids? That's got to be overwhelming. I would say this little boy is scared and alone and acting out the only way he knows how. He probably needs to feel that you don't hate him because he causes extra work. On top of that, give him some way to express the anger he might feel (at his mom, at his own helplessness) You know what kind of kid he is and know whether he needs to run around outside or if he needs to play with playdough or color to get rid of some stress. Kids have to be taught how to respond so that's probably what he's needing. I always say, for every 1 time you cont....
    Tes...Jacksmami

    Answer by Tes...Jacksmami at 5:46 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • He needs to get the anger and sadness of the situation out of his little body. Ask him if he is angry and talk about it. There are children's books about sadness that might help too.

    A friend of mine who went to anger management therapy was encouraged to hit a tennis racket on the top of a bed. She found it very helpful as a release. I had that in mind when I needed such help once, but I used a hammer and a scrap piece of wood (had no tennis racket). I beat the crap out of that wood and I found it very therapeutic. Then once my boys and I were in a bad situation and I got hammers and wood for each of us. I told them they had to hit the wood at least a few times. They thought I had lost it. Well, we really went at it and the sitution became diffused and we were able to resolve things. I mention all of this in case it might be of some help & maybe give you an idea you can use/build on. God bless you for being there
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 9:19 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • Where is their moma and why is she not with them? Sounds like he needs extra love and attention! Punishing him is not going to work! Those poor kids. I realize that you too must be going through a lot specially with 3 extra small children in your house. He sounds like he is going to take a while to adjust. Just try and be patient with him. He is just a baby still.
    crazymom21

    Answer by crazymom21 at 3:58 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • I meant to say also that he is probably realizing his moma isn't coming back soon and is acting out so yeah its bc of the separation.
    crazymom21

    Answer by crazymom21 at 4:01 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • discipline a child, there needs to be five times of loving them. GL and (((hugs))) Give the little guy a hug for me.
    Tes...Jacksmami

    Answer by Tes...Jacksmami at 5:48 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • This little boy is probably acting out because he doesn't like/understand what is happening to him and his family.I know it is difficult, but he needs love and acceptance.Try not to let the behavior upset you, this just compounds the problem.He probably feels isolated and lonely as well as confused.The circumstances are too hard for him to process.You could definitely talk to him about the behavior when it happens explaining that you understand that he is upset and misses his mom but dont' focus on it;and also assure him that things are going to work out, that he can still love his mom and(whatever is true about them having contact).Never lie.I would be careful not to say negative things, but to keep it open ended and positive.He needs to know that someone loves him, that he will be ok.Patience & understanding will go far.He may seem to need discipline, b/he is dealing with this the only way he can. All children are different.
    SookieM

    Answer by SookieM at 10:48 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • JMO, but I think he probably needs a little more love and attention, not more discipline. Sure, stick to your rules, but he is acting out for a reason and slapping him or putting him in a corner isn't going to solve the problem. I think you need to keep doing your time outs and stuff, but maybe try taking him aside and talk to him about what he has done and why. Realize that he might not even know why he is acting out like he is. Give him some understanding and make him feel good that he has an advocate in you.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 11:41 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • I think he needs both love and discipline. Hitting behaviors are not acceptable and there should be consistent consequences. But love and hugs and extra attention and reassurances should be able to help reduce these behaviors.
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 2:27 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • WHY THE FUCK WOULD u SLAP a 5yr old?!?! Mabey he craps his pants cause he's scared shitless of you! Are u a foster parent!? U shouldn't be one! I should slap YOU
    CokietheClown

    Answer by CokietheClown at 4:40 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

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