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when my dh responds to me he's often apathetic and cold :(

i've been gone for basically the last 3 weeks on a vacation out in CA and then to a funeral in NE. so i would think that my dh would have missed me or something which he says he did but when i try to tell him about my trip out in CA he almost seems annoyed with me and tells me he doesn't know what i'm talking about, and when i talk to him about any thing else, he responds like he could care less. in his defense, he has been struggling with an illness lately and i've been pretty patient to this point but it's getting tough especially since i just lost someone i love.

how do i cope with being responded to like this and not automatically think that something is wrong? i feel like he doesn't really care about me and he's more interested in playing video games :( how would you handle this?

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pmg1030

Asked by pmg1030 at 5:35 AM on Aug. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,514 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Why'd you go on vacation alone while your Dh was struggling with an illness?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:36 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • it was a family reunion and he wasn't able to go because he was in the middle of school stuff and could not leave and i bought the plane ticket back in january when he was fine and he told me it was okay for me to go. i went with my parents out there
    pmg1030

    Comment by pmg1030 (original poster) at 5:38 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • I think he really did miss you and doesn't want you to know it cause he really was annoyed you left him in the first place. I would tell him straight up that it hurts you how he's acting like he doesn't care.
    twinmama2five

    Answer by twinmama2five at 5:49 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • communicate your feeling like you did with us.
    older

    Answer by older at 8:32 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • I think he feels resentful that you left him for 3 weeks when you went on vacatione regardless that he said you can go. I second what twinmama says. He probably had his feelings hurt & doesn't want to admit it. Maybe he feels silly that it hurt his feelings that you left him so he didn't mention it. How would you feel if you had an illness & your DH left you alone for 3 weeks? Wouldn't you have wanted him to stay home with you? He probably knew you wanted to go real bad & didn't have the balls to tell you that he would rather you stay home. I can guarantee you that is the problem. I would not leave my DH alone for 3 weeks to go on vacation, even if i already bought the ticket, ESPECIALLY if he was ill. I know for a fact that my DH would miss me terribly & be sad that i was gone for so long. I would HATE going on vacation without him though, i always want him there to share every experience with me.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:51 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • Your husband's feelings have been hurt and he is withdrawing from you because that's how most men handle being wounded. If you don't fix this, you can expect some angry outbursts after a while. You left him for three weeks when he was ill to be with your "family" and he probably thinks he should also qualify as family. A husband's greatest need from his wife is the knowledge that she puts him first, even above the children, which in truth is where he deserves to be. If you are a wise woman, you will apologize for having left him when he needed you. You will also reassure him that you will try to be more sensitive to his needs in the future. Whenever you notice your husband start to retreat, the first step should be to automatically look at yourself and ask if you've done something to cause him to want to hide from you.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:31 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • okay well as i've stated before, he was not having any of his issues when the plane ticket was bought and plans were made. and also i am the sole wage earner of the house and every year my company gives me 2 weeks of vacation that if not used, is just wasted at the end of the year. he was not able to go with me. i actually asked him in november a couple times if it's cool that i go. i made all of my plans and my parents bought my air plane ticket for me in january. there was no way that i was going to let a $270 ticket that was purchased for me, go to waste in addition to the money that i had already put down myself as a deposit on where we would be staying out in CA. i wished he could have come with me but he wasn't able to. and he told me there was no point in me not going, that he would be pretty busy with his clinicals. i also probably should have indicated that that is how he usually responds to me....not just now
    pmg1030

    Comment by pmg1030 (original poster) at 9:58 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

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