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When does it become inappropriate for my husband to help our daughters with baths?

Our oldest is 7 years old and still needs help with washing her hair and we have to clean her pierced ears with antibacterial soap after the hair washing to make sure no shampoo/conditioner gets in. On the weekends when I am puting the baby to bed (she strongly prefers me at bedtime and won't go to sleep for him...I think she likes to cuddle on the boobies...LOL!), I ask my husband sometimes to help our oldest with her bath. She washes her body herself and we turn around so we can't see while she does that to give her some privacy. I don't have any indication that my husband would ever be inappropriate with her, and I sometimes I listen at the door just to be sure and have never had any reason for alarm. I was sexually abused as a child however so I might be over-protective in that way. Your thoughts?


Asked by indexmom at 12:18 AM on Oct. 6, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (18)
  • Good for you for being cautious!  I think it's fine for him to wash her hair, I'd just put a wash cloth or two over her for modesty.  My girls kicked their Dad out of the bathroom on their own at that age, she probably will too soon.  Let her practice washing her own hair and rinsing.  You just check it when she's done and have her re-rinse when she needs to.  That way she is self sufficient and she won't need his help much longer.  If you ever have a bad feeling about your kids and anyone, follow up on it, no matter who it is.  Talk to your daughter about bad touch and make sure she knows bad touch means family and friends too.  I asked my nephew if he would tell if someone touched him in a bad way, he said yes.  I asked him what if that person was a friend of Mommy's and it might hurt her feelings?  He said no!  Scary!  Good luck!!


    Answer by shmorris56 at 12:39 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • I would watch her for cues. If she starts to act embarrassed around him, or asks for you instead of him, then maybe it's time. If she does none of those things, I'm thinking 8 is probably the absolute longest unless you have a very open household. Maybe she could just call for someone when it's time to wash her hair? She might be thrilled at the independance of it.

    Answer by SamanthaAgain at 12:36 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • when i was seven i had just gottin my ears pierced and my dad help but after i took my own bath then would get dressed then he'd help brush my hair and clean my ears the right way so by seven in my personal; opinion she should be able to do it her self and have dad help after

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:37 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • It could b that but not nessecarily. And as far as what age he should stop giving them baths, how old is ur youngest? My husband stopped when our oldest daughter was 4 & our younger daughter was 3 bc that's when they were able 2 bath themself (except 4 the shampoo part lol) & 4 that, I started buying the 2 in 1 shampoos bc they only have 2 use 1 bottle!!!

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 12:39 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • Also, maybe have ur oldest help her younger sister bc it might make u feel a little more @ ease.

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 12:42 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • This can go both ways men/little girls/little boys women/little girls/little boys I don't understand why men are always singled out towards little girls. . I think that if you are having these thoughts in your head then you should stop having him help because once you start thinking of it in a sexual way then you have crossed a line

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:50 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • Mine are 6 and 7 and have been asking for privacy. So we let them have it....They wash their own hair and we just go in after they are done washing it to make sure all the soap is rinsed out and if not then we rinse it and leave. They do everything else on their own. I've got one boy (7) and one girl (6). They also have gotten to the point that only mommy can help DD because mommy is a girl; and only daddy can help DS because daddy is boy. If daddy is not home then I help DS, but then again I just go in an make sure his hair is rinse completely when he's done washing it. more next post.

    Answer by SAHMinIL at 12:59 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • continue What happens is we (hubby or I fill the tub); once the tub is filled we leave the bathroom and shut the door. DS OR DD (depending who is getting the bath) will undress, get in the tub, wash their hair and then yell for us (DH or I) to come in and check their hair. We check it rinse it some more if it needs it and then leave. After some time if they are not out then we tell them it's time to get out. They dry and dress themselves....that's it.

    Answer by SAHMinIL at 12:59 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • My oldest 2 ages 6-8 bathe themselves. They even wash their hair on their own have been since about age 5. I am sure your daughter can but just doesn't want to. If it makes you uncomfortable to have him in their just have him do her ears as soon as she is out and in jammies.

    Answer by Nascarmom at 1:04 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • Oh I agree with Anonymous don't understand why dad is always signal out....what about Mom and the little boys?? And it doesn't always have to do with the opposite sex as she pointed out.

    With us the reason we do Only mom helps DD with bath because that is what my DD wanted. She doesn't want dad helping any more even if it's just to wash her hair. She just on this girls and only see girls kick; and because she for whatever reason is on this kick DS is acting the same way. Only Dad can help me..... (unless dad is still at work and if that happens then Mom can). Like I said we just help them with their hair and leave...they do the rest 100% on their own.

    Oh and it's totally normal for her to be on this's just part of growing up and become self aware of her body and wanting that privacy.

    Answer by SAHMinIL at 1:06 AM on Oct. 6, 2008