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Am i just being selfish?

Background:my mom died when i was 5 and my dad remarried shortly after. Since I was six i have been calling my stepmom "mama". about 3 years ago my dad was killed in a car accident and within a year my stepmom remarried. Ever since then mama has changed. she works 3 days a week but spends the rest of her time going to classes for work and spending her time with everyone else but me and my kids. I understand that since both me and my sister have grown and have families that we arent her top priority anymore but it hurts that she never spends any time with us. My MIL doesnt spend time with my kids because she wants to spend her time with her daughter who is engaged to a sex offender who was charged with child molestation. Needless to say because of him we do not go around them. Am i being selfish to want my kids to have a relationship with their grandparents or should i just right them off and say to hell with it!

Answer Question
 
sahm2kateli

Asked by sahm2kateli at 11:28 AM on Aug. 9, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 4 (28 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • No your not being selfish. Have you expressed how you felt to your stepmom?
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 11:30 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • The last time DH and i let my MIL get kids she said that Sister in laws fiance would not be around but he was anyway. that really Pissed us off.
    sahm2kateli

    Comment by sahm2kateli (original poster) at 11:30 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • Don't write them off, that wouldn't solve anything. Keep trying to get them together.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 11:31 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • I am sure she is having a touhg time too - I would have an open honest converstation with her about this..
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 11:31 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • No i have not expressed concern to her but my sister has (she also has 2 kids) and she just gets upset and says it is because my sister doesnt like her and never has.
    sahm2kateli

    Comment by sahm2kateli (original poster) at 11:32 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • No you are not being selfish at all. She is supposed to be your mom. I mean she was for all those years, things shouldn't change now. I hope things get better for you hunny. :)

    Talk to her and tell her you feel like you don't spend enough time together.
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 11:35 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • You are not wrong. Sadly, it sounds like the woman you have considered your mother is too wrapped up in her life for your family.

    My spouse and I are from very small families; his is the poster child for dysfunctional. We have built a wonderful family of friends, who we could not love more if they were blood relations.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 11:38 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • I would have a talk with her because you don't want to loss her to; I mean she was there for you since you were 3 right. You have to kinda understand she just lost her other half. Put yourself in her shoes if your husband was to pass away!!!!
    Now about that guy no never leave your kids with them unattended. You just never know you know what I mean.
    Just talk to her tell her how you are feeling and I'm sure she well reconsider. Best of Luck wish you the best......
    elisabellaguna

    Answer by elisabellaguna at 11:39 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • I think the person you need to be asking this too is your Step-mother. maybe since your father passed and she remarried she is worried that you will judge her harshly for moving on too quickly. So rather then risk a confrontation with you, she simply avoids it.

    I would call her or drop by unannounced and tell her that you would love for your children to have a chance to know their Grandmother.
    Maureen-MD

    Answer by Maureen-MD at 11:47 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • I say it is time for a "sitdown". It is time to talk.
    countryspun

    Answer by countryspun at 11:54 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

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