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SHOULD I END MY RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE OF MY KIDS?

MY DAUGHTERS ALWAYS HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME BEING WITH MY NEW MAN. THEY FEEL THAT I ACTING DIFFERENT AND TAKING HIS SIDE IN EVERYTHING. MY CHILDREN ARE 11/13 AND I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD JUST GIVE UP ON THIS AND WAIT TILL THEY MOVE OUT. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO?

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Faithful77

Asked by Faithful77 at 1:20 AM on Oct. 6, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I believe you have the right to have a personal life outside of your kids, but I think you need to look at why they feel that way. Try to check yourself when anything comes up involing him and your kids and make sure the choices you are making are the same as they would have been before the new man was in the picture. Mabye they are just used to having you to themselves and feel like they get less of their time, they are old enouhg to have a serious talk with about how they feel and why. Give it a chance there is always a transition period when new people are brought into a estabilished family groove. Good luck
    musiclovingmomm

    Answer by musiclovingmomm at 1:42 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • I think that you should be able to have a relationship as well. I understand that your children may feel hurt that you are seeing someone and you may not be spending all of your time with them now. I think you need to talk with them about how you feel and how they feel. I would be honest with them and try not to get angry when they are honest with you.

    I know that my MIL gave up a relationship because she felt her kids needed her and that the time was not right. Now her children are both grown and married and she is always calling them. She feels that because she gave up her dreams for them that they need to be at her beck and call now. I guess what I am trying to say is you don't want to regret this in the future.

    Good Luck
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:26 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • You are entitled to a personal life, and a romantic relationship if you want one. However, your kids are old enough that there could be some truth to what they are saying. I'd try to take an honest look at your relationships, with them and with your man, and how you behave when he's there and when he's not. They could be right. Or they could be wrong. But until you really evaluate the situation, you can't make a decision that won't leave you wondering what if.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 8:24 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • I beleive you should stay with him you do have a right to a personal life like the others said and in 7yrs they will be out of the house and where will you be if your life revolves around them?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:28 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • Just because you're a mother doesn't mean your personal life goes out the window. If he's a nice man, stay with him. If you know they're doing this b.c of jealousy, they need to accept your new relationshop and the fact that you are happy.
    LaurenKaye29

    Answer by LaurenKaye29 at 1:40 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • your girls are just being protective of their mother.  They may also be a little jealous your time with your boyfriend.  Make sure you take your girls out for a fun day with out the boyfriend!! I would also talk to my girls on how they will always be my number #1.  What do they not like about your boyfriend?? Maybe you should not have your daughters meet your male friends unless its serious.  You need to let your boyfriend know if he has a problem with your girls he needs to discuss it with you.  He should not be disciplining your girls they are not toddlers and they will only get resentful towards him.  However they do need to show him respect.  Good Luck

    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 2:15 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • I think you should stop trying to have a new "man" in your life--concentrate on finsihing raising your kids--and then tend to your personal life. I don't know where it is written that a parent has a "right" to a new relationship when an old one falls apart leaving scars on the kids. You really should pay attention to your kids feelings--they may be seeing things you don't. Perhaps you didn't give them enought time to heal from the last fling. I know young moms who have put their kids first, raised some great kids, and then looked to their own 'personal" life. I really think it is because most women can't stand the thought of being alone---they have no clue who they are without a man--and the kids pay dearly for it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:17 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • Ur entitled 2 a personal life. However, I've been in this situation personally. The man my mother was dating many yrs. ago was everything & my younger brother & I were put on the back burner & it was very hurtful. I think the best thing 2 do is 2 talk 2 ur girls 2 find out where they're @ w/ him & y they feel the way they do.Also, puberty probably has alot 2 do w/ it 4 girls ur daughters ages. I wish my mother would have done that 4 me & save me yrs. of what did I/we do? Does she love him more than me/us?
    LovingParent08

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 11:29 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • Eleven and thirteen are crucial ages. It is an age when I would want to be very much in tune to what they are doing and with whom they are doing. It's tough even when there are two parents involved, so I can see where it would be extremely challenging to try to maintain a newer relationship and keep up with the children's activities, too. I think you might really win their respect and admiration if you showed them you were willing to devote your total attention just to them for a while. It could make for a much smoother teen-age experience for all three of you. There's a lot of romance left in us after the children don't need us so much.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:07 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • Nothing wrong only live once, & our kids will be grown & gone 1 day. We don't choose who they wind up with/they don't choose who we r with. I would say, first, make sure there's no good reason why they don't like him, only u know what's going on in your hh, & if not, then ,if u like him&he likes u,can't just give up. Remember 2 his personality may be completely different than your ex so, they may not be used to the way he acts. Should talk to them & see what bothers them about him. Set time aside for not only u & them but, also include the bf on occasion. Also, If he comes along with u&ur kids every once in a while, maybe they'll see he's not trying to take u away from them & maybe they will see he's going to part of your/their lives and they should accept that. They will adjust.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:22 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

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