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spending alone time with DH

i know i am being somewhat redicules but i think i still have a reson to be upset. my husband never spends time with me just me and him. he either goes to work right before the kids go to bed, goes to a friends house and doesn't come back until i am asleep, or invist people over. we spend time together during the day, but we always have at least one kid with us. we have onlt spent time just him and me twice in the last (about) 3 months. i have tried telling him i want to spend time with him, but he doesn't understand i mean just him and me. he brings stuff up to do with the kids or with friends. i know he has to work and i know that he wants to spend time with his friends, but i want us time too. and the yougest is only 2 months and i am breastfeeding so i can't go anywhere without him, but we could do stuff when he is sleeping.

 
happy-go-lucky

Asked by happy-go-lucky at 2:13 PM on Aug. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,357 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • Come right out and tell him what you want. Don't be subtle. Say "Honey, I want time when it's just you and I. Some time where you and I can reconnect. I feel like our time is always being taken up by work, kids, and friends...and I want "us" time. I know I am breastfeeding and we can't actually be without him/her, but while the baby is sleeping I would like to have time with just us." He'll understand if you put it plain and simple hun. If not, then ask him why it is that he doesn't feel the need to spend some alone time with you. Good luck!
    AWomansMind

    Answer by AWomansMind at 2:19 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • Ok, I am kind of lost here, and am in no way trying to bash, just understand. You say you want alone time with your hubby, but then you say you can't go anywhere without your youngest. Would it be possible for you to pump enough to give you a little time when you could go somewhere with your hubby? Like maybe surprise him by taking him out to dinner somewhere? What about you wait up for him one night, and invite him to join you in a bubble bath? Get creative Mama! If that doesn't work, sit down and have a heart to heart with hubby, and ask him what's up. Tell him you have been trying to create some time for just you two, and he does not seem eager to participate, ask him why he isn't.
    mommy11260

    Answer by mommy11260 at 2:22 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • Sometimes when you are feeding the baby suggest that your husband come sit beside you and watch a movie or TV program with you, or just listen to music. Or schedule an outing around your feeding schedule, even a quick trip to the mall so you and he can walk around together. For the sake of your marriage it is good to have some time to focus on one another.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 2:16 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • I'm not sure what you are wanting, but I would just advise you against nagging too much about this subject. If your husband is happy with the way things are, and you aren't, it could be that you are expecting too much right now. The other thing you should think about is if you are all the time complaining about his not spending enough time with you, you are actually pushing him away instead of making him want to be with you. Try speaking positively and complimenting him more for the things he does that you do like, and see if you don't get more of what you want. Men hear all complaints against them as being put-downs even though that's not the way they are meant. He will respond much better to positive reinforcement. And remember how very lucky you are that your husband likes spending time with the family. There are many wives who would love to have just a little bit of that.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:22 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

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