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who is wrong?

My mom will be coming through town to pick up her daughter from summer camp. My husband has a high stress job (he's an attorney) and only gets one week vacation a year. He requests that people not stay with us on weekends if at all possible. He also has social anxiety. I asked my mom if it would be possible for her to stay after she picks up her daughter during the week (not on the weekend) and I sort of explained how my husband prefers it and she immediately guffaws "oh God." Mother and I are not really getting along and aren't terribly close. I didn't tell her she couldn't come for the weekend but requested it not be if it would work out during the week. Was I out of line to cater to my husband's bizarre personality quirks or is my mom out of line to make a snotty comment about it? Thanks!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:08 PM on Aug. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • neither. Now if she insists on staying the weekend, she will be out of line.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 3:10 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • You were not out of line and she should respect your wishes.
    queen.bee

    Answer by queen.bee at 3:10 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • I agree with queen bee
    renea20

    Answer by renea20 at 3:13 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • It's not really a matter of right and wrong, it's a matter of her respecting your wishes.
    michelle121003

    Answer by michelle121003 at 3:14 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • Honestly marriage is about working together, respecting your husband's wishes is the right thing to do. However I think they are bit odd myself and if I was were your mom I would feel unwelcome. But that is human nature to assume the worst. So no one is wrong. More communication is required.
    Reassure your mom, that you want to see her, and ask her to respect your husband's requests (he works hard for your family and deserves respect even if the request isa bit odd).
    FuzNet

    Answer by FuzNet at 3:15 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • One night is not a big deal. You DH will get over it. Tell him to just say hello and spend the rest of the evening in his office or bedroom. Be civil to your mother, (one only have one). Before you know it, she will be gone. Really, it will be OK.
    AdrianaS

    Answer by AdrianaS at 3:16 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • I usually advocate husbands dealing with their families and wives dealing with theirs. In this case, since this is his rather odd rule, he should have been the one to have told her he would prefer your mom not being there on the week-end. Now you are caught in the middle of something that really isn't your fault and is not really even your own choice. Maybe you and your mom could just meet at a motel closeby and spend the week-end together while hubs stays home all by his lonesome. Seems to me that would or should keep everybody happy. Oh, but be sure it's on hubs' dime since he's the one who doesn't want company. It's all right to have boundaries as long as you respect the other person's. Not sure your hubs is doing that.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:19 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • Well said Adriana S, we only have one mother...
    MTM

    Answer by MTM at 3:20 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • its ur life n r husbands life. & yalls home. she shld respect watever u want, even if its off the wall.
    Mrs.Ferri

    Answer by Mrs.Ferri at 3:31 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • No. It is your home. It is your choice.
    If you want to comfort your husband and allow him the peace that he requests, then that's your choice.
    You do what is best for your family.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 3:51 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

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