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3 Bumps

i feel so lost...

i'm not in love with the person i'm married to i'm not sure i ever was it feels like i'm not myself and we have 2 kids both very young.i've been married for 2 years.divorce was something i never thought would happen to me but its all ithink about..i feel that my unhappiness will affect my kids and i want be the best mom to them..A huge part of my heart was left in m past and even though i dont think i would want to go back to that i guess i just want to be with someone I love and who loves me back...and than i think wait you have 2 kids and you are no longer the skinny girl :) (---:(----)WHO WILL WANT YOU...who will accept and love your kids...i'm hurting so bad it such a huge weight..there is just no excitement...the only people i miss every second are my kids sometimes i want to wake up my 14 month old in the middle of the night just to hug him and kiss him and see his big smile :)..i feel a little better now ....

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:52 PM on Aug. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • i know how you feel please do what is right for you and if you have to leave okay but there is always counseling only you can know. GL Momma

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 10:55 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • I think sometimes you have to be happy with your circumstances. Love is often a choice, not a feeling. If you do leave you may cause a lot more heartbreak than you feel now, especially with your kids. Just try to work it out with your hubby and tell him how you feel. Hope all turns out well!

    Answer by Momincollege23 at 10:56 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • It's not fair to him or you to continue being married if you don't love him. If there is smething you can do to get the love back try it. If you don't think there is any way to love him you should end it. It's not fair. Staying together for the kids is never good.

    Answer by mommom2000 at 10:57 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • Good luck on what ever decision you make.

    Answer by zadesmom1998 at 11:02 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • Good luck on what ever decision you make.

    Answer by zadesmom1998 at 11:02 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • You should see why the love has left between you and him. Think about the positivity in your relationship with your husband. First and foremost, you should tell your husband how you feel....explain to him why you feel you don't love him. If he loves you, he will try to make things work and try to get you to love him and hopefully you will stay together. Even if you don't stay together, it is just important that you let the children know that they are loved so much by the both of you. The children will understand as they get older. Just love them as much as possible. Good luck.

    Answer by limegreen1223 at 11:05 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • Maybe, a marriage counsler would be a good place to start- or even one by yourself- At some point you must of loved eachother or you wouldn't be married with 2 kids- Right? Sometimes, the grass looks much greener on the other side but, most of the time it is not- Marriage is Hard- If there is any chance to make things right between you & your husband then i would really try- Wishing you lots of luck!

    Answer by daisyb at 11:05 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • I do understand this. It happened to me when my kids were little. The only fufillment seemed to come from the love of my children. I will tell you I wonder why I stayed married at that time. I did love him, it just seems like those years were passionless. It can improve, it can get better, things to change.
    I am not telling you to stay or leave. What I am telling you is to work on your self. Go see a dr. This may be partly to blame on postpartum even though you don't think so it may. Or if your on the pill it causes depression too. The thing is relationships are ever evolving--no one tells us this when we get married. They change, we have babies, we get less sleep, get gain weight, our bodies change shape. You are not ugly just because you are not the same shape you were before kids.
    Things can get better! They can! Good luck honey. Take one day at a time!

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 11:06 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • It's very normal to not "feel" in love. Do we always feel like taking care of our kids? No! But we do it anyway 'cause we love them. Maybe you and hubby could go out on a date. Or you could get a self-help book on marriage from the library or bookstore. There are some excellent conferences on marriage out there. Relationships are constantly changing. Think of your relationship with your kids. Your relationship with them years on down the road will be completely different than it is now, right? This is something I'm currently trying to figure out in my own relationship with my husband. We are both in our mid to late 40's. We are no longer the lovebirds trying to start a family we once used to be. Our kids are on the brink of leaving the nest. Anyway, I hope you're able to talk to a friend and find some answers.

    Answer by zboys at 11:32 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • you deserve to be happy. someone will love you for you - the happier and more confident you are and the more yourself you are, the more attractive you become. we are not given the gift of life and children to be bound by our mistakes and punish ourselves. you are free to do what is right for yourself and your children. you are very right that your happiness level affects your children, they sense so much. and also they are learning how to get through life from you. if you don't teach them that they should pursue happiness, what loving mutual relationships look like, and how to move through mistakes, who will?

    Answer by figaro8895 at 11:37 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

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