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I am ready for another baby and my husband isn't- how do I change his mind?

Okay everyone- I need some pointers! I am ready to have another baby and my hubby is not even willing to talk about it. My son is 6 and my daughter will be 4 in December. I have been ready for about a year but just recently started talking to my DH about it. I would really like to have 2 more children, but he doesn't want anymore. So I told him I would compromise with one more, and he said he didn't want to talk about it. I then told him that since it took me exactly a year to get pregnant with my daughter, if he would let me try for a year, and I didn't get pregnant I would take it as a sign that it wasn't meant to be and he could get fixed. However, he still says he doesn't want to talk about it. I feel like I am compromising and that he is not willing to compromise at all.

Do any of you have any advice as to how I could go about changing his mind?

Thanks in advance.

Cathy

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fantasywriter82

Asked by fantasywriter82 at 8:30 AM on Oct. 6, 2008 in Trying to Conceive

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • How would you feel if it was the other way around? Wouldn't you want him to respect your wishes? He doesn't want anymore, you should respect that. It's not something to compromise on.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:42 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • I agree with the first one who answered. A child isnt anything to compromise on.

    If he doesnt want more kids, then you either respect his wish or you need to go find someone else to get a baby.

    Be happy with your family. Two kids are wonderful.

    If you love your husband than you really need to respect his wish.

    m.robertson811

    Answer by m.robertson811 at 9:11 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • What anon said is true. You should look at it from the other point of view. But if you want to give it a shot at changing his mind, you're not hurting anything. You could sit him down and tell him how much it means to you, and maybe explain why you want another one. Maybe tug at his heartstrings a little?!? But whatever you do, don't get pregnant on purpose without his ok!! That will hurt more than it will help. But this is something you guys need to sit and talk about. You need to say why you want more and he needs to say why he doesn't. Like anon said, it's really not something to compromise on.
    WadeMom313

    Answer by WadeMom313 at 9:14 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • I am kinda going through the same thing somewhat. I want another baby but my husband doesn't right now. Our son turned 5 in August and I'm ready but he just is NOT. I do respect what he wants and I really try not be selfish about it. I have just come to the conclusion that if we never do have another one that will be just fine. At least we were blessed enough to have one, and the more kids you have the more money it is. It's hard enough sometimes with just one.
    mommylatte

    Answer by mommylatte at 9:48 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • maybe this is extreme, but have to two of you go to a counselor. Sooner or later he will have to talk about it at sessions. I feel like I will run into the same problem in a number of years, since I want more, but Bryan wants two.
    charisma10

    Answer by charisma10 at 10:45 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • The real question is..would you want him to be trying to convince YOU to change YOUR mind?
    Imogine

    Answer by Imogine at 12:30 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • I'd like to say i had some advice for you but i dont, and what i do have to say you might not like.. but... maybe your husband is right, two is plenty. I was told at 11 that i couldnt have kids.. when all of my friends were having babies and i didnt, i was depressed, and then after my friends kids are all in high school, i got pregnant. I have a wonderful son, and you know, if someone said thats it, no more, I'd be ok with that, because i got this wonderful little blessing. Kids are something to barter or compromise for. Be thankful you have two great kids, there are a million or so couples wishing to get pregnant, and would do anything to get just one.
    sweetscrappin

    Answer by sweetscrappin at 12:52 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • I agree, you can't FORCE your husband to be a daddy again. I think you should tell him that if he changes his mind to let yOU know. Also, sometimes if it's meant to be it will just happen
    AshJoe05

    Answer by AshJoe05 at 12:54 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • Having a child is something that both need to agree on. There is no way to change someone's mind on that. If that were you that didnt want the baby and he consistently kept trying to convince you, it wouldnt be a healthy pregnancy and you may resent the child. Also if he doesnt want another child and you get preggers he may not treat that child as loving as the first two that he was happy about.
    KortniLeeana

    Answer by KortniLeeana at 1:19 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • Did the two of you talk about a number of children BEFORE getting married? If so, has anything changed? Who changed their minds? If HE changed his mind, what's the root cause?

    A third party such as a clergyman might be able to help the two of you sort through this.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:50 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

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