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What measures would you use?

Hi, my bf has a daughter who is 16 and this past week he told her that come Saturday your doing your laundry,but she had already made plans without him knowing about them to go to her moms for the weekend. So, therefore she didn't do any laundry and plus she went ahead to her moms for the weekend. If you were me would you just sit back and let him take care of it, or would yu step in if you were me? I myself think this is something he needs to address himself because she is going to constantly defy him everytime unless he puts a stop to it. I know this to be true because I had the same problem when my boys were her age. Kids lash out and rebel sometimes after divorces. Maybe she is doing this for attention , I just don't know but it bugs me that he lets her get away with everything she does. Any suggestions??

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:45 AM on Oct. 6, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (8)
  • Oh, honey! I smell T-R-O-U-B-L-E!!!! I wouldn't touch this.. I would let your bf take care of it.. Its his daughter and you guys aren't married. I don't want to sound rude, but she will come back and lash out at you.. To me, it will just cause problems between you and your bf.. So, I would just let him handle it. Good luck!!
    honeys_sugamama

    Answer by honeys_sugamama at 9:03 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • It isn't your place to step in. You can advise your BF of your experience...but he's the one who has to speak up. You aren't even a stepmother to her..just Dads girlfriend. I know that stinks but it's how it works.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 9:04 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • I think the only thing you can do is talk to him and tell him about your experiences. Also be supportive to him in what ever he decides. You don't want to start causing problems between your BF and his daugther because he might take that the wrong way.

    If you want to stay with him and truly help then do not say anything to the daughter and be supportive to him.

    Good Luck
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 9:36 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • Let him take care of it, if he told her she needs to do her own laundry he needs to stick with it. She will hate life on Monday when she has to go to school and she doesn't have clean clothes.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 10:02 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • I agree with everyone; since you're not married, it will not go well for you if you step in. Either he might put you in a place to be the responsible parent (when you're not), or she will remind you that you're not her mom. Is it possible that she wasn't rebelling, just this once, and really did want to spend the weekend at her mom's? I think the best thing you can do is tell your BF you don't want to interfere, but because you love them both as family, it affects you to see what's going on. Then, dump all HER dirty laundry in a bin in her room. She's at an age where appearance is everything, and there's no way her friends will let her continue going out in wrinkly, stinky, dirty clothes. If she's old enough to plan her own weekends, she's old enough to dress herself, and be responsible for those clothes!! Good luck.
    ChefMom94

    Answer by ChefMom94 at 11:56 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • First of all, he is your BF not your DH. With teenage girls involved, it's not your business. Sorry. I have been married to my DH for 7 years and my SD's are now 19 and 14. Believe me, being married with SK's is difficult enough. You will make your relationship with your BF worse if you butt in as, if he is any type of a decent man, he will choose his DD over you. With that said, she is old enough to do her own laundry and when it comes to the point she has nothing left to wear, she can either wear smelly @$$ clothes to school or get off her @$$ and eventually wash them herself. She should not be enabled or the behaviors will continue.
    goinginsane1

    Answer by goinginsane1 at 12:28 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • Let him deal with it. You will always lose. You either piss him off or her off. Believe me I have learned that when it comes between the BF and the BF's DD getting involved is so over rated. Let it go.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 5:07 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • I would let your BF handle it. I WAS that girl! If my fathers GF or my mother BF told me what to do I would have FLIPPED at that age. I feel as though there is a defense (for themselves AND the other parent) so DONT take it personally. It definatly something she would do for attention. I agree 100% with you though, he should handle it to make it clear HE is the the boss, not her! Good luck hun!
    breegee

    Answer by breegee at 7:56 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

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