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He has become a failure at everything, I think I'm ready to leave him...WWYD?

My SO of 4 years, son who is one, is really getting to me. I have been going to college, have 2 years, maybe 1.5 if I do summer school, and am a SAHM. He got into a bunch of debt back when he was 18-19 and even more when he got injured. So about 20k right now, 5 k left on the car and 15k in lines of credit.

Then I spend my whole day looking for work and ways to earn extra money and he only works 24 hours a week, I go to school that much. But he is going to file bankruptcy. I think he should work at least hours weekly to pay off HIS debt. I do bring money in, enough to hold up m end of the deal, but he's lazy IMO. I feel like he needs to work 2 jobs if one job won't give him enough hours because now he is dragging us all down. UGHHH I cant even move passed this because its so much baggage. Like it's stress I shouldn't have.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:23 AM on Aug. 10, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (24)
  • Yes I agree its hard to be with someone who is not as driven as you but do you want to be with him or do you want him to change? Maybe he is down or maybe this is how he lives and either you are going to sit down at the end of the day and tell him to man up or bitch out this is hard when one part of a relationship decides they want less than us only you can know if this is a relationship worth saving. GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:28 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • Why don't you get your own place and remove yourself from the emotional aspect? Then take a long look at this guy's character and ask yourself if just based on the person he is, is he someone with whom you would want to commit to and spend the rest of your life with. When I made this move, I would tell him all the positive things I see in him and then I would tell him the negatives. I would then tell him what would have to change before I would reconsider. I would set a minimum time frame for these changes to take place, and then I would wait to see what happened. Every marriage has to have boundaries that are enforceable. These boundaries make for the balance between responsibility and freedom which need to be equally shared. When these are out of balance, you are doomed to failure because one person will end up resenting the other, which is what I see happening here.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:34 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • I know this will sound crass...but I can't help but wonder if you were fully informed before taking up with this guy about the amount of debt he was into. In that case..I'd say you're partially to blame for pursuing a relationship with someone who was so financially unsavy and irresponsible. I think the best thing you could do is get yourself some counseling so you can discuss these concerns and frustrations with someone who will listen to both sides of the story and allow you both to address this in an adult fashion. Also..for the debt issue...look up Dave Ramsey...he's the best guy out there for debt issues and offers courses or classes for Financial Peace. I think you BOTH would benefit from this and it could help your guy finally find the motivation to get outta debt. If you do all you can and your guy is still a reckless spender and jeopardizes your financial future..then start packing.
    Heathercurlz

    Answer by Heathercurlz at 9:32 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • Grrr, I hate it when I have to retype what I wrote, stupid computer.... Okay, Why is he only working 24 hrs a week? Can he really not find something else or is he just lazy? IMO a man who's not willing to sacrifice & bust his ass for his family isn't much of a husband or father. He needs to have drive & desire to do things to make your family better, not just lounge around @ broke for the rest of your lives. My hubby busts his ASS working 70-80 hrs a week to provide for us, we're working towards changing this in a way that makes our lives better, by him going into buisness for himself. Hubby has the drive & desire on his own & enjoys being able to take care of us. If my hubby decided he was only gonna work 24 hrs a week.... Gives you some stuff to think about!
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 7:30 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • His hours got cut back at work and now he brings in half as much. I run my own business and it does well, but since all of my money was eaten up by his debt issue I put it on hold until he figures out his crap. I was even like work construction, it's not the job he has now or even the pay but its more money that we need. Even if he worked an extra 20hrs a week for the next month things would get better. I can market again and then focus on that and school no problem and there will be more money like before, but he wont even bust ass for a month. he doesnt even beat pavement and looked. I'm so tired and stressed, I almost want to be like F U Move out and give me my child support until you figure out ur issues. But Im a softy kind of
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:37 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • pm me i would love to chat...or rant with you lol
    secondtyme520

    Answer by secondtyme520 at 7:41 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • If he's not willing to try then he's showing you what kind of character he has. What's he gonna do when the times get really tough? If you can't rely on him or count on him for support & effort.... here's what you need to do. Answer this one ? & you'll have your answer. At the end of the day, past all the hurt feelings & bullshit do you still want to be w/ him?
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 7:44 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • @secondtyme520

    Do you have a 23 year old ass hole too??? jk he's not an ass hole, just thinks he's going to piss out coins and shit dollars, like money just pops up in the mail with out working for it. pardon my colorful language.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:44 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • @Nyx7

    Pros to Him: Great father, loves being with his son, loves showing me love, cooks, cleans without being asked, as far as relationship minus money goes he's 100%

    cons to him: I have to nag him to even apply somewhere, I have to take the money he makes every week and put it aside so he doesn't waste it on pointless crap, he doesn;t realize little stuff adds up to big amounts. He says he's going to be successful but does zero to work toward it. makes excuses for laziness.

    So if we don't talk about his financial issues were fine, once its brought up the poop hits the fan and he's sleeping in his car, which will be repossessed this month if he doesn;t make a payment.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:48 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • I can count on him for the emotional aspect of everything, not the provider aspect of support
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:50 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

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