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Do you try to keep your dating teen out of compromising situations?

Or do you just let them out wherever they want and hope for the best, that they were listening and can control themselves?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:56 AM on Aug. 10, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (12)
  • i don't have a teen but i'm curious to see what some moms have to say. I know when i was a teen if i was told "i couldnt do something"..i always found a way anyways.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 7:59 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • I don't have a teen however I have a plan for when they become teens. Yes there will be limitations, like no raves, clubs, etc. However for the most part they will have freedom. I can't control the thing they will do. Trying will only cause rebellion. My mom did that with me I was a wild teen. However my friend had total freedom she was the perfect teen. Of course I will teach them wrong from right, and they will know my no toleration limits, like hard drugs, lying, stealing, and not driving or getting in the car with drunks. Though for the most part I believe the more leniency the better. Of course this may differ on the child, and the behavior growing up.
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 8:08 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • Well, I can only speak for what I plan to do (Dd is 15 months). I plan to get her an appointment and put her on the pill/shot/whatever as soon as she starts dating. I'm going to tell her this in advance so she's prepared for it. I'm going to tell her that it's wrong to sleep with guys that you're not dating and warn her about getting STD's and about pregnancy. (this convo will happen about the time she's 11-12). I'm going to keep a box of condoms in the bathroom and of course I'll count how many are there and if any go missing get her on BC. I'm going to let her know that the condoms are for her use and I'll buy as many as she needs, but that I personally believe that it's best to wait until marriage. I didn't wait til marriage, but I've still only been with one person in my life :)
    MomtoElliett

    Answer by MomtoElliett at 8:13 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • Our teens didn't date. They could go places with their friends if they all went with some parent that we trusted. Our teens had the privilege of inviting their friends to our house, as long as they agreed to abide by our rules. What we found was that the teens who had less than pure motives didn't hang around our house very long. As the children got older, we would retire to our room so that they could watch the tv in the family room, but they knew we were always close by and might need a glass of water from the kitchen. Our children were never turned loose to go and do as they pleased. Their dad and I went to every ball game, every band competition, every everything they were involved in. It worked beautifully for our family. We are all still very close, even the brothers and sister, and I would not do it any other way if I had the chance.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:23 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • I'm the mom of 3 teens and they do date. It's all about balance. There are restrictions but there is also trust. They are responsible young people and are at that time in life where it's necessary for them to begin learning to make their own decisions. It's unrealistic to think that, as parents, we can just tell them no now and then turn the out into the world in a few years and expect them to know how to safely and intelligently handle themselves. This is the time to learn - with our support.
    missingruth

    Answer by missingruth at 8:46 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • My 17 year old was raised by me for the first seven years of his life and he knew how hard it was he also matured fast because he had cancer that he is now in remission from. Its crazy but I started talking to him when he was five and when I did I started also talking to him at the age of ten I started talking to him about condoms and after I started talking to him about condoms and responsibility for them this conversation also included talk about babies and how if he could not see himself with them in 18 years how this was not the person to have sex with. He also knows about single parenting he saw it first hand with me. And now because he wants to be a marine and she wants to be a lawyer they keep themselves respectable. Group dating and helping others this is how I know even if he did he would be responsible and she would as well.

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 8:47 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • My son didn't tell me when he went on his first date. He told my husband who told me, but my son refused to give me a single detail. But I would say that when theyre that age there isn't a whole lot you can do. If they want to do something with a date they will find a way, all you can do is raise them right and hope that you have imparted on them some sensibility.
    elizJ

    Answer by elizJ at 9:56 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • My plan is what NannyB did with her kids. Me and my sisters were watched close by our mother and we didn't do anything wrong. When she stopped paying attention is when the mayhem happened. So, for us, we won't stop paying attention. I don't think kids are going to do anything to do what they want. If you make the rules and stick to them, I think most teens will respect them. If you have taught them to be respectful.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 10:15 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • I have to agree with Nanny B. This is what we did with my SS.
    RainingHeart

    Answer by RainingHeart at 10:44 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • my 17 yo dd does date and it started with a boy she had been friends with for years. They were both 16 so they had to be driven and picked up. Always a plus. But now that she is 17 and most of the boys she "hangs out with" are drivers it is more difficult. BUT...I have talked to her about everything, drinking and driving, sex, abuse of all kinds, whatever. She knows that if she is every in need of being picked up we are there, no questions asked. Period. She knows what is expected of her and the boys she is with. Most times they do things in a group, but has had one on one dates, and the same rules apply. We have come to a place where she has choices, and the only thing I can do it keep my fingers crossed. But she has to learn. And I have to trust. The only thing I control is how I react to her choices. She knows how I feel about EVERYTHING! So she shouldn't be surprised if I get upset over something!
    wallmom1

    Answer by wallmom1 at 3:34 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

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