Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

what to do when SO acts like he is a helpless dead weight?

Seriously, he acts like he is so helpless sometimes, like he's a fucking bird caught in a net, and even the bird has more fight than him. It's annoying, because I never punk out like him and then I always have to be the one that holds us together while he has this lame ass attitude toward everything, every obstacle, every challenge, every goal, everything,

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:32 AM on Aug. 10, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Appeal to his sense of pride. What he's currently indulging himself in is called "learned helplessness", a psychological condition that typically manifests in men whose mothers were control freaks. These men learned early on that if they did something badly or conveniently forgot to do things, their mothers would sigh and shrug and take care of things. So, you simply can't do any work for him. He has to do the work, period, because that's the only way he can achieve a sense of pride from accomplishing something, which is the only way he's going to learn that a) the work is important and b) the work is difficult enough to be considered achievement.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 11:41 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • tell him to shape up or get the heck out. Ive had to do it to DH and after 7 years he IS doing something about it finally
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 11:33 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • Well why stay then?
    countryspun

    Answer by countryspun at 11:33 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • sounds like you are a youngster just by the way you described your relationship and if he is just your SO , I would think about telling him to shape up or ship out. Spend your time wisely, don't just "settle". A SO is a losing situation if there is no commitment.
    gertie41

    Answer by gertie41 at 11:46 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • Stop doing for him then is my suggestion.. Sometimes us as women take on the roll of holding things together for the family and doing what needs to be done and then later realize that we are doing it all. In a relationship, it has to be equal and when it is not, then there is a problem that needs to be talked about and hopefully as a unit, you two can fix it and if not, then sad to say sometimes it is time to move on. But sometimes it is just miscommunication or laziness on ones part so definitely talk to him about it and let him know that efforts need to be made on both yours and his parts in order for this to work. Good luck!
    sippincoffee

    Answer by sippincoffee at 11:56 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • @fistandantalus...his mom died but his gma is a control freak....i like ur insight...thank you
    @gertie41...yes we're a young couple, we both had it tough in different ways, but fortunately for me I went to a school called hard knox where I learned to survive as an adult, he went to that school fistandatalus is talking about where men have learned to be ass holes.
    @sippincoffee...We always end up making up, but I'm going to see if he can take the first step this time, instead of me...he never takes the first step cause he knows I'll give in, but this time I have CM to talk to all day if I need to just so I can ignore him. lol
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:21 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • WTH did his parents do to him?
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 12:37 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • @salexander

    He was technically an orphan, mom died, no dad they didn't do anything...I blame his grandma, who I dislike, and now I finally have a reason. She's a witch, but I put that fake smile on to get thru the day, but on the inside I'm soo annoyed. This is why. Pieces to the puzzle aaah haa...lol jk buy it's an epiphany for sure
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:06 PM on Aug. 10, 2010