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3 Bumps

How can I get my husband to tone it down?

Here's the thing. My husbands daughter went off the deep end and now is in a mental hospital for a while. Well, he has gotten really strict with our other kids. No posters, no non-christian music. He went to a church in our town that is know for being exteme. I believe in God, and living a moral life, but he is trying to tell me what to do like I am a child, not ask my opinion like I am his wife. I am just not sure if this is just a phase that will pass, or if I am going to have to really lay down the law with him. He won't even have sex any more no matter how I try to seduce him. He said that when God says, we will again. He is just driving me nuts with this and I don't know what to do. Any advice will be appriciated.

 
A.Perry

Asked by A.Perry at 11:46 AM on Aug. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,348 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • WOW! I think you really need to talk to him about this and explain to him that you are both parents and need to come to an agreement "together" about the children and your marriage as well. I wouldnt let it go as just a phase because it may get worse and you need to work as a team on this one.. Try explaining that just because something happened to his daughter doesnt mean it will happen to everyone and that you can work through this as a family together! Good luck, I wish you the best!
    sippincoffee

    Answer by sippincoffee at 11:52 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • Sounds like he is getting close to the deep end.
    ashisamom

    Answer by ashisamom at 11:54 AM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • Do not, I repeat, do NOT go to that church!!! It does sound like he is dangerously close to joining his daughter in going off the deep end. This could be a phase, but it might not be. I wouldn't let it go, you don't sound happy. And I don't think this is something you will be able to learn to live with. He's not likely to make any compromises here. Not at the rate he's going. So he's either going to have to give up what he's got going with his new found religious crap, and join a normal religion, or, IDK. But I wouldn't stand for it. This doesn't sound healthy.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 12:45 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • I think he needs some help....he is totally whacked out if he is waiting for God to tell him what to do, to tell him when it is okay to have sex ....wow...and "no non-christian music" ???? I am so sorry. He needs help. Good luck!
    gertie41

    Answer by gertie41 at 12:08 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • Wow! I think the other ladies said everything I would! I
    KamiB79

    Answer by KamiB79 at 1:10 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • I am so sorry for what you and your family are going thru.If it was me,I'd start by finding out the name of the church he's going to,then go on-line and their web site should tell you what you need to know.I would also go with your husband and see for myself what kind of church this is and what are their beliefs.You never said what his daughter is in a mental hospital for.Alot of mental illnesses run in the family.My mom was bi-polar.& so is my twin sister.So start asking questions.then you'll be on your way with maybe understanding & dealing with your husbands behaviors.And then getting the help that he needs.Good luck sweetheart.I'll be praying for you and your family.
    bvannkissy

    Answer by bvannkissy at 2:10 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • She is in the hospital because she is bipolar and stopped taking her meds. My husband has no mental illness. He went to this church because he has known the pastor for twenty We normally attend church somewhere elese, and have been very happy there. I told him that me and the kids will go to the same church we have always gone to and now he is going back there with us. He only went there twice with his daughter. I want my family to be involved with church, and to be Christian. But, I do not want my husband making decisions by himself without talking to me about them. Particularlly ones that involve our sex life, I should have a say in that, too. By the way, the church that he went to is extreme, and doesn't have a website. They don't believe in tv or anything. The women have to wear long sleeves, as do the men even in summer, and women must wear dresses to their ankles. No make up, and women can't cut hair, at all.
    A.Perry

    Comment by A.Perry (original poster) at 3:11 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • yeah you should talk with him on how you feel
    Ricanmami1

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 11:25 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • Sounds similar to a church near my home. They are Menonite, but I don't know how strict they are on music, tv or sex. I agree, he should not dictate anything in your home, but discuss it. Perhaps he should seek counseling to help him deal with his daughter's illness. He may have been taught that it's contagious and shameful. Try to support him, but also insist that you are not his child and he will not treat you as such. Also, try to talk to the children, and work with your dh on making sensible, realistic rules. GL
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 6:19 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

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