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Long term Bonding issues...

I was not able to ever bond with my oldest as a baby (now 4). My next son came just 14 months later. I had such bad PPD, I was in danger of developing PPP, and I had NO help with it, I didn't even know that there was help out there. Once my second son came I was "better" and able to cope. He and I bonded wonderfully and have a great relationship!

But my 4yo and I still don't have one. He has an anxiety issue and I feel like it's my fault. But I don't know how to fix things now. I'm pregnant with number 3 and feel really guilty because I feel on the one hand like she is only going to hinder me from fixing things with my oldest, and on the other because my lil one has really been mommy's baby for 3 years now and I feel like I'm abandoning him... We got pregnant through 3 types of BC, because we were really trying to prevent this, but now that we're here we don't know what to do...

How can I fix things and not make them worse?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:34 PM on Aug. 10, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (2)
  • I think if you do the appropriate daily things, like make sure you spend time with all three, and take turns with each for Mommy and Daddy time so you both can be with each solo, and re-assure a lot, things will fall into place. Overly smothering, spoiling, trying to make up for the past in ways that aren't appropriate will not work and will likely cause further damage.


    Answer by Glamourina at 1:54 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • I would spend this time really trying to bond with the 4 year old and make him feel special while you have the time... Maybe have someone watch the little one and you take 4yo out to do something special with mommy. Its also important that the 3 and 4 yo have a bond with each other as well so try to include them in activities together and have them help mommy with the new baby and everything should start going normally and getting fixed. You just have to balance your time and love with all three of them. The new baby will need alot of attention but if you include the other two and make them feel like they are helping they will love it and so will you!!

    Answer by ladybugky88 at 1:56 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

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