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Am I making something out of nothing??

A couple months ago I saw a text on my SO's phone from his ex, she asked him to refinance his car and take her name off of it. When they were together yrs ago she cosigned for his car. But he put the text under a fake name like "oshi". I asked him about it and why he felt he neededd to put her name under a fake name and he said he didn't want to upset me. I looked at his phone a second ago and I noticed he had her work, and another number under that contact name again. When before he only had that one cell number she text him on originally. I had asked him a week ago I asked if he has spoken to any of his exes he said no. I even asked him a few weeks ago, specifically about if he had spoke to her about the car situation and he said no. If he called her about the car that doesn't bother me. But if he lied about it, that bothers me

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:40 PM on Aug. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • He doesn't have to answer to you, and he knows it. You have no power to change him nor the way he operates. You either need to accept that he has another woman and stay with him anyway, or you need to accept that he has another woman and leave.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:43 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • Well if they have a loan together which they do, because she's a co-signer, then it's totally acceptable that he has several means to communicate with her and she him. I don't blame her contacting her and wanting him to re-fi. Clearly, they still have ties (the loan) that still need to be settled.

    Answer by SAHMinIL2 at 1:45 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • Looks like your going to have to fess up to snooping, and talk to him again. Maybe there is a reason he needs those numbers maybe not. ask him to change the contact to her real name so that it doesnt look suspeciouse. you know your man better than anyone here and read the signs when you talk to him.

    Answer by Shani527 at 1:47 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • No to make accuses for him, but clearly he had already felt the end to hide it to beginning with (the code-name). That's a flag right there that 1) he isn't over with her OR 2) he feels he can't be honest with you regarding who he talks too. The fact that you feel the need to check up on him and comb through his phone contacts, messages, etc...Suggests????

    Listen you aren't married to the man, so you have no business combing through HIS phone! You're NOT paying for it. Now if you were that would be different!

    Answer by SAHMinIL2 at 1:49 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • I too would have a HUGE problem with the lies........He is only lying because he has something to hide. People who do not have anything to hide are open and honest about their Ex's. If I were you I would be doing some serious thinking about your relationship with him. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life living a lie??
    When my Ex calls me my DH knows about the call, sometimes he is the one who answers the phone, and sometimes he will even be the one my ex is calling. My DH knows my ex is not a threat and my ex does not cause us problems in our relationship. If for any reason my ex was causing any problem no matter how small I would stop speaking to him altogether.
    You SO has some explaining to do....G/L

    Answer by justgrape723 at 1:49 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • The original text about him needing to refinance the car under his own name wasn't a friendly one. She also said in that text that their relationship was along time ago and her and him have moved on so to please tak her off as a cosigned because she is trying to buy a house and what's holding her back is this from being approved. She wasn't talking as if they were together. But I'm bothered by him lying to me about speaking to her after. To be honest I think it's totally reasonable for her to want to talk to him about this. The fact that he has her still under a fake contact name when he knows that I knew from the get go about it is stupid. Do I need to get over it or do I have a reason to be mad. Besides we both agreed that we I'll not have contact with exes or keep their numbers in our phones. So this is exactly what he's not doing apperantly.

    Answer by ProudMammaMia at 1:53 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • He might have genuinely not wanted to upset you. Yes, it does look suspicious that he's hiding her name by using a false name, but that could be to spare your feelings as well. Now that he's got more numbers of hers, it could be seen as a little more suspicious. Just be upfront with him and ask him why he feels the need to be in contact with her? If the car situation is handled or will be then there's no more need for it. Just be honest with him.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 1:56 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • He's probably lying because he knows you will freak out.

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 3:16 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

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