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My husband lied to me !!! What do I do now ?

My husband and I have been married for about 6 months... everything is perfect beisdes a few things... at first things were a little rocky because he has a son with another woman and that was kind of hard to get use to but now I am able to call myself a step mom ( why I joined this site) .... then a few weeks ago he told me he was working over.... and I called him and heard things in the background and could tell he was NOT at work.... but he was at his friends house playing cards and having a boys night, when we were suppose to be spending time together. I cannot believe he lied and now I am finding it hard to believe anything he says. I keep trying to get him to talk about it but he keeps saying he lied because I would get mad if he wanted to have a guys night and then we just end up yelling. I do not want my marriage to end over his selfishness. Please help me !

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:19 PM on Aug. 10, 2010 in Just for Fun

Answers (11)
  • Well would you've been mad if he wanted to hang with the boys?

    If he promised you first about spending time with you then you should be upset. Have you talk to him about why you are upset? Did you say you told me you'll spend time with me and then lied?


    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 4:23 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • Sit down with him and say to him it is ok for you to have a boys night. Just tell me. Maybe, if he is ok with it. Give him a certain night a week. So you will always know what to expect.

    Answer by louise2 at 4:24 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • I'm afraid he just may never get it. He may never get the fact that getting caught lying to you hurt you more, and caused more trouble then telling you the truth. He may not get that he's gonna have to pay for it. Mine did something similar. And he knows that he's having to pay. He doesn't like it, but oh well, it's what he gets. You may be able to get through to him by painting a picture of a situation, but blow it a bit out of proportion. Of you doing this to him. Exaggerate a little. Play on whatever emotion is his biggest. See how he likes it, then maybe he will get it. That's playing dirty, but he'd get it. Not everyone will agree with me, you may not, but that's just my advice, my opinion. If you have to write him a F*ck You letter (that's what we call them) so he can't interrupt you and you can say just what you want, and not what you don't, then do that. Leave it where he will find it before he leaves for work.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 4:27 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • ur thingy is annomous im in the exact same situation pretty much, send me a message and we can chat there >

    Answer by newmommyjazz at 4:35 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • you really need to tell him whats bugging you let him know you dont want to argue and that your not mad but u would like 2 talk things out it will make u feel better and help ur relationship

    Answer by roxy0522 at 4:36 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • 1 st off would you have let him go if you knew he wanted to have a guys nite ????
    i would tell him its bugging you and that you cant believe things he says now and that next time he should just be up front with you .you will feel alot better when you do this

    Answer by britme1027 at 4:47 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • you are still newlyweds, and there is an ex and a child involved so I can imagine you're both warming up to the fact that you're married now. I know my husband and I went through a rough patch of about a month and a half where we didn't even want to be around one another (having a baby 3 months after we were married didn't leave us much time to get used to being married before we were parents).

    I think the hardest part in a relationship is figuring out how to communicate with this person you love and care for so much, when you're both hurting you don't want it to turn into yelling matches (which is very common for many couples, hence the high divorce rate) What I recommend is sitting down and having a serious discussion about how it made you both feel and get it all out on the table.

    My husband and I also read the "love languages" books which I highly recommend. They reveal a lot about your partner and are really short

    Answer by 1st_time_mom23 at 5:02 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • Sorry IMO you are being selfish. Nothing wrong with him having a guys night. You might wanna loosen the chocker and give him a little space or it won't last long.

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 5:24 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • OP never said she wouldn't mind him having a guys night. She said he called her to say he had to work late. But he didn't. She called him, and heard him out, with friends. She said they were supposed to be spending time together, she gave, in her post, the impression that he knew they had plans. She has the right to be pissed. If he knew they had plans to spend time together, but then lied to her and blew her off to hang out with friends and then tried to make her feel bad about it by telling her that it's her fault he had to lie about it, then HE'S wrong. Everyone is assuming she would be mad that he wanted to spend time with his friends. She never said she would have gotten mad. She said she was mad he lied. That's what the post is about, him blowing her off, and lying to her about it, and telling her it's her fault he had to lie to her. How does that make her selfish?

    Answer by Raine2001 at 5:39 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • I'm in the same situation as you are :// I marryed 2 years and he has a baby girl . She's 2
    he also lies to me by telling me he's working late ( he told me that in the begining oh pr marrage) but I knew he was at the bar. So one day I had it I had enough of his sstupid lies so I sat him down and I told him I'm done with your lies
    if you want to for tell me the truth don't lie
    and if you lie to me agen I'll start lowing to you and if you keep at it
    I'll leave till you till your ready to tell me the truth
    then I said you can go out I don't care just tell ms
    and ever since then he always told me

    It works lol

    Answer by jmcwilly at 7:14 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

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