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3 Bumps

feeling trapped

ilive in ca but i hate it here. always have. my parents moved here when i was in middle school and stayed here. then i met my husband who is a native, our kids were born here. we were married 31 years he passed away last year. i thought finally i can move. then my 19 year old gets pregant lives at home with her 3year old. she works part time at mcdonalds,suppose to start community college this month. im on social security i cant afford to live here anymore and she refuses to move out of state which would be cheaper.shes worried about her fininical aid but she can apply again. im worried about my grandson if i moved and she stayed her ,she has no way to support herself and both kids when the babys born. i feellike my lifes been put on hold for forever. do i go ahead and leave and hope and pray she makes it.

Answer Question
 
stressedoutgran

Asked by stressedoutgran at 8:25 PM on Aug. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Level 15 (2,324 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Pray about it everything will be okay
    mamaofficer

    Answer by mamaofficer at 8:28 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • Wow... I'm not sure but I'm sorry. If it makes you feel better I live in a city that I hate because my husband grew up here and loves it. It is "his town" as he says...
    HolliBerry21

    Answer by HolliBerry21 at 8:28 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • I would not want my mom feeling trapped and unhappy - I think you need to take care of yourself. Let your daughter know it's time to get out of Cali and communicate your time frame. Perhaps she'll want to go with?
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 8:30 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • I can relate to your situation, I am from Boston. I married a man from Alabama. He had orders to pick either Boston or Montgomery. He picked Montgomery because him Mom lived here. Our marriage fell apart, he put in the divorce decree that I had to raise our children in Alabama and could not leave until they married, graduated college or could live independently until age 24! My ex promptly moved to Florida with his new lover and so did his Mom. So, here I sit, not knowing a soul, no family other then my children. My son graduated college this year. I am going to be moving within a year. I do not know where I will go, or what I want for the new chapter of my life, but it definitely has Alabama in my rear view mirror. Keep us posted. I would like to know what you decide. I am thankful to have a steady retirement income, so I don't have to worry about finding a job.

    Joeygoat

    Answer by Joeygoat at 8:43 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • I would put myself first. You have raised your children. She is an adult... she is grown enough to lay down and spread her legs to get pregnant, she should be grown enough to figure out how to take care of herself and these children?? Where are the kids' fathers, they should be contributing....
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 8:51 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • Do what is best for you. She is an adult now so all you can do is pray for her..
    JaLayah

    Answer by JaLayah at 8:57 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • her older sons father is in az . the baby shes carring now lives here. but he seems very distance. the 3 year olds dad really care about his son hes just young. the babys father is alot older he should know better. im more concerned about the 3 year old if she move out she wouldnt have a place to live. she works less than 20 hrs a week. now that shes pregnant again shell have to quit that job soon.
    stressedoutgran

    Comment by stressedoutgran (original poster) at 9:49 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • WOW- i know this has to be really hard for you- i think it is your time to be able to Spread Your Wings; sometimes, they Step-Up to the plate better when they have No Choice- If she can't make it on her own in CA, i bet she will be So ready to move where ever you are at! Good Luck!
    daisyb

    Answer by daisyb at 10:30 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • It seems that you have other relatives there. Can she stay with them? I say you can go ahead and move, but keep your door open just in case. She needs to know that you're there for her no matter what. She may feel like she doesn't want to move now, but you never know what will happen in the future. I wish you luck.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 2:10 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I understand her reasons for not wanting to go. But it's your turn to do your thing. I bet if you packed and prepared to leave, your daughter would follow suit. if not, it's her decision and it's her time to stand on her own two feet. I know you will worry about your grandchild and your child, but things have a way of working themselves out.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 5:16 PM on Aug. 13, 2010

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