Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

Why do I get freaked out so easily by little things

Ok so im recently divorced, but the marriage was over before we said I do. Anyways every time I start to like a guy the smallest things annoy me and I get freaked out. A big one is money, like if there really cheap about everything. Ive got two small kids. I cant afford a babysitter to go out and pay for my ticket to a movie. Or like they say something too mushy or sweet, I get grossed out and stop talking to them. I feel like I have too much baggage to be so picky about men but it sucks lowering standards all the time. I know I have low self esteem which is a major issue. But i cant afford a counselor and I dont have any friends I can talk to. I dont know I just feel lost and im scared my only options are to settle or be alone. I added the divorced part in there,wondering if this is a common reaction to be so turned off by such minor things?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:23 PM on Aug. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • Just because you have 2 kids already dosent mean you cant be picky or have standards. I was divorced with 4 little ones and found someone who I didnt settle for. Maybe nothing is wrong with you if you had terribly low self esteem you would settle for less than you deserved maybe those men you meet who annoy you just arent a match for you atleast you go with your instinct and dont say well that bothers me but I will continue the relationship. Most guys would pay for your ticket to a movie and some even offer to pay for your babysitter. They are out there. I say keep being picky!
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 9:29 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • I feel like the key is in the phrase "the marriage was over before I said 'I do"." I think you're afraid of missing the signals early on. It's as though you knew really early on that your marriage wasn't going to work, and now you're taking every single cue as an unwavering sign that things will certainly be doomed. You don't want to be taken a fool again for ignoring what you knew early on.

    Cut yourself some slack. You shouldn't settle, and you're right to be wary of first impressions. When you find the right guy then the little things won't bug you as much. I've seen it time and time again (as well as experienced it) where a person is willing to over look the minor flaws when they know the bigger picture is right. You're just wiser now and that is all.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 9:29 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • "I feel like the key is in the phrase "the marriage was over before I said 'I do"." I think you're afraid of missing the signals early on. It's as though you knew really early on that your marriage wasn't going to work, and now you're taking every single cue as an unwavering sign that things will certainly be doomed. You don't want to be taken a fool again for ignoring what you knew early on.

    Cut yourself some slack. You shouldn't settle, and you're right to be wary of first impressions. When you find the right guy then the little things won't bug you as much. I've seen it time and time again (as well as experienced it) where a person is willing to over look the minor flaws when they know the bigger picture is right. You're just wiser now and that is all."

    This exactly.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 9:48 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • You should not settle for less because you deserve what you want in a man. You also should let the really small things go and instead of running when something doesn't seem right, ask more questions and just take your time to see if what you thought could have just been a misunderstanding. Sometimes we can over think things and it always helps to take a step back and look at everything first before making any final decisions.

    SylviaNCali

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 10:04 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.