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3 Bumps

Can men change?

well a few days before i had our daughter i found out he cheated on me. he was gone the month before that because he needed space and time to figure things out. well during the first week of being gone he cheated n then didnt know how to tell me so he just stayed away for the moth. well needless to say im still with him and small things he does piss me off and im still working on regaining the trust. but idk if i can ever not have thoughts about him doing anything and it doesnt help with him deployed. im just wondering if any one has ever meet a guy who has cheated but changed after wards and ever did it again.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:23 PM on Aug. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • it's all in the remorse
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:25 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • To be honest no. Ever guy that cheated on me did again and again. Even now they are still cheating on their wives. I can't say once a cheater always a cheater because some may never do it again.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 10:25 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • guys can change if THEY want to.

    and i don't consider it cheating if you two were separated.

    However, i can't imagine how difficult it would be to feel that he might cheat on you while he is deployed. My DH is in the Army so i understand.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 10:25 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • Yes they can change if they want too. We can not change them. He has to want to be faithful. It is a choice. He needs to renew his mind and make deliberate decisions to be faithful.
    JoyandLove

    Answer by JoyandLove at 10:26 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • I don't know any. But i'm sure there are some out there who have made a mistake and changed for the better. What you need to do is look at a mans behaviors (actions) to determine if he is being honest. If hours are not accounted for, that should be cause for suspicion right there. There should be nothing to question at all. A man that truly wants to do better will go out of his way to earn your trust back overtime as well.

    SylviaNCali

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 10:27 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • People can change. I cheated on my spouse and I have changed. I would say not all men or women can change. There has to be a trust and if you don't feel you can rebuild it then let him go.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 10:28 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • Men.... Just like women......... Can and are able to change. IF they want to. They have to want to change, and actively work towards changing. Whether it's actions, behaviours,... anything. A PERSON can change if they want to .

    The other major key to changing is this. Knowing what it is you need to change, and why you need to change it. That's a tough thing though. Not many people want to look at themselves and be cold hard and honest about their faults, their mistakes, their choices, admit that they and only they are fully responsible.. Accept it, do their best to understand why they have made the choices they have in life (everything any of us do in life, any choice we make has an underlying reason.. for good... or... for ill). Then spend the time, the effort etc.. to actively change those things. Again. How many people honestly and truly can and are willing to do that..

    Change happens. When it's truly wanted.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 10:30 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • I agree, it's not cheating if you were separated. He was honest enough to say he wanted time and space to figure things out so (to me) means he wanted to leave his options open to see other people. Changing is possible but not probable.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:30 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • Men do change. If he honestly is sorry and has been an open book to you then that is a good sign. I would not just hand over my trust- these things take time and need to be earned. If you were broken up at the time then realistically he did not cheat- but it still hurts you I know. If you cant get over it and constantly think about it I would consider breaking up if your not married , or go to counseling. Good luck

    lovmyhubby

    Answer by lovmyhubby at 10:45 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

  • My husband cheated on me & by the time I found out about it,it had gotten pretty serious,at least on her part. My heart was broke to say the least. This was the man of my dreams,my soulmate. Well we talked & talked & talked.We had to decide if we were going to be better
    off with each other or without each other. In the end he decided he was better off with me than with her. I was forever grateful. Our marriage lasted 36 yrs. until he went to be with his God. Miss you Bobby!! May you be as lucky as I was.
    zoolady12

    Answer by zoolady12 at 10:58 PM on Aug. 10, 2010

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