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2 Bumps

he's lied before, about little things.... so now i'm having trouble because i question EVERYTHING.. how to find a bit of sanity formyself and let the trust build on its own????

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mariposalee

Asked by mariposalee at 7:42 AM on Aug. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (112 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • IDK, about that. I don't think I would put myself in that situation in the first place, but if you really want to stay and if he is willing to work on his lying then all you can do is try. He has to be 100% transparent in everything that he does. If you want to look through his cell, or his email then he should let you. Like on Dr Phil he says that the person who has lied or cheated has to be willing to let you be as nosey as you need to be until you are sure that he isn't lying to you anymore. He also says that the best predictor of his future behavior is his past behavior. Just don't let this person walk all over you. You deserve more than that!
    Aingls

    Answer by Aingls at 7:48 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • My first husband lied a lot to me. After time our relationship suffered because I didn't trust him. We went to counseling and I said that I would leave him if he didn't stop lieing. He didn't stop so eventually I left. It has been 15 years and he still lies. It is who he is. It ruined his second marriage as well. I am glad I left because it is no way to live not being able to trust your own husband.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 8:22 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • DH? he doesn't let me look through anything and honestly i dont want to have to. It would just be nice to not have to question, or to not even care. He's going to do and feel whatever and however he wants I just want the weight and worry to be off my heart.
    mariposalee

    Comment by mariposalee (original poster) at 8:27 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • exactly it's part of who he feels he needs to be... i'm too old to for these behaviors. I already have a little man to raise don't need another
    mariposalee

    Comment by mariposalee (original poster) at 8:29 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • For me and many other women i know of, once that trust is broken you never gain it back.. And what is the foundation of a good relationship??? TRUST! ;) like you say you have a child to worry about not a man who can not be trusted! the saddest thing is, everyone can give you advice but you will still be driven to worry and wonder what is really going on til you have had enough of what the reasons are you don't trust him. But eventually you will get sick of it and relize he isn't worth the negative energy you are putting into him.
    BobbieJo286

    Answer by BobbieJo286 at 9:21 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I'd be seeking to find my sanity on my own and only with those I can trust. Without trust, there is no relationship.
    Gaccck

    Answer by Gaccck at 10:09 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

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