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Has anyone got any advice about adult children coming back home?

My 28 yr old has come back home to live after many failed relationships, lost job, and no place to live. She is basically starting all over. Where do we start?

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NightOwlMama50

Asked by NightOwlMama50 at 7:59 AM on Aug. 11, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 3 (27 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • I had to move home for awhie. :( Give her space, but make sure she helps around the house too. IE: Cleaning, cooking, etc..... I helped with all household things and with bills when I could. I also carried on with my daily life, but was respectful of the fact that I did live with my parents.
    KamiB79

    Answer by KamiB79 at 8:01 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Give her a hug 1st then set some rules like she has to help out with chores make sure she gets on her feet FAST make sure she knows that you'll always support her decsions and be there for her but it is no loafing ground
    Moms_Angels1960

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 8:09 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • You start where you left off. My 30 year old daughter did the same, I welcome her with open arms, fixed her financial problems by taking out a loan for her and having her pay it up while living at home rent free, she has straighten out her life, found love a great job and is happier than ever, and she is still with us, although most of the time she is at her boyfriends house.
    Just be the crutch she needs you to be right now, who better than mom to help out, she will find her way back to independence in due time.
    older

    Answer by older at 8:15 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Your house, your rules. You decide what the rules are and write them down. She signs just like any other contract. I would require that she get some kind of job, give me some amount of the money she makes(you can either use toward food and utilities or save it for her as a gift for later), help out with certain household chores on a regular basis, and there would be rules for her having her friends over. Whatever you think might come up later, put that in your contract. You know better than anyone else what the problems were when she lived there before, so you want to be sure and cover all those bases. I would even say be in the house by a certain time at night or the deal's off. I could never sleep until I knew everyone who was supposed to be coming in was in, and you should not have to lose any sleep over this. She is the one who needs your help!!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:13 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Well I do not have grown children but I am a grown child wishing I could pack up and go home. MY mom will let me I just can't. I will tell you what she would do if I were to go home right now. I would have chores even at almost 24 and a mom myself. I would have to get a job OR cook and clean. That's what we did before i moved out. MY mom wishes i could come home too. Just can't leave my boys(my step sons) Good for you for keeping your door open for your child i am sure she is very grateful. Oh yeah and I agree with the hug for sure!
    delilahsmom1177

    Answer by delilahsmom1177 at 12:18 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • i have 4 adult kids and two still live at home they do most of the cooking since i can no longer stand they help laundry and shopping
    and cut grass when need and still holding down jobs.with out them would not be able to live in my house.help your daughter heal and find a job it will take time but she just needs to know you are there for her.don't for get to lay down the rules and good luck
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 6:27 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • My 33 yr old daughter had to do the same. First, her job was to get a job. Then of course there are chores, house rules etc. As long as you let her know that it's not a free for all or a vacation, there shouldn't be any problems. Good luck to you!
    lizard111

    Answer by lizard111 at 11:26 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I really don't think you are alone - I believe it is tough times all over.
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 7:46 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • Our 20yo arrived this past Sunday with no car, no job, a failed engagement, and a few debts in tow. We had to immediately lay down the rules and expectations b/c with 5 other people in the house there's no other way things can run smoothly. We're focusing on getting him back on track (job, paying off bills/loans, getting a car, etc). He's currently at work, so that's a step in the right direction!
    HisCat

    Answer by HisCat at 11:11 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • Thank You all for your feedback and good advice. It is very helpful. So far everything has been smooth, and she is very responsive to all my rules and bounderies. She has been respectful, patient ect. She has wanted certain things or to do things ect. But I let her know unless it is free or someone else can pay for it, it is not happening. She has tried to check into college, job prospects, or ways to make money. Every door has been shut the direction she trying. I believe it because of her track record. All I can do for now is pray, wait, encourage, and listen. So I wil wait and see.
    NightOwlMama50

    Comment by NightOwlMama50 (original poster) at 11:39 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

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