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What would you say if your friend put you down for being a SAHM?

If one of your friends made you feel like you were a bum for being a SAHM? She asked me yesterday "Are you EVER going to go back to work?" I have a 7 year old special needs child and a 14 month old. Once I told her that I got my DH an XM radio for his birthday. She was like "Really, don't you mean HE did?" I was like what? She said "Well, he's the one who works". And proceded to ask me that I didn't feel like I was buying him a gift with his money? I got really angry and told her I earn my share around here! I've gotten to where I avoid her calls because no matter how nicely the conversation starts out she has to get her digs in.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:19 PM on Oct. 6, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (70)
  • It might be that she just has different values and convictions in life- like she doesn't have a togetherness view of marriage since she says "his money- your money".
    This past week I've read two great quotations- one from William R. Wallace, which you probably have heard :"the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world" and the other from Abraham Lincoln who said "all I am and hope to be I owe to my angel mother". It gives such a powerful perspective on the mother's role.

    I would encourage you to not allow your friend's words to put you down. I would be honest and straight with her, telling her that her words and comments have hurt me and then as others suggested if she doesn't change than you need to consider your friendship. I would not choose to be around people who would discourage or put me down. Friendship is meant to build, encourage and support.
    r_b

    Answer by r_b at 4:37 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • I would tell her to go fuck herself and find a new friend. I hate ppl like that
    MiiSSHiiSCAMP0S

    Answer by MiiSSHiiSCAMP0S at 1:21 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • Wow with friends like that you don't need enemies. If I had a friend do that to me I would probably slap her, the next time she makes a comment about money tell her that there is no his and mine, everything is ours and just because you don't work outside of the home doesn't mean that your not working.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 1:23 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • I understand what you mean there. My husband is always thankful when I let him get something he wants. I just let him buy a stupid system because his birthday is coming up. I don't work but being at home is a 24/7 job itself and some people don't and will not ever understand that. Maybe she's not the friend you need. It's not her business how you decide to live and she needs to keep her mouth shut. I hate it when people think it's okay to tell others what they should and shouldn't do because they think they know it all. Just quit talking to her and if she asks why, tell her exactly how it is.
    TiffanyLove18

    Answer by TiffanyLove18 at 1:24 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • Wow, what a crappy friend. Although, I don't think you can call her a friend. If she is trying to dig in her claws, I'd say make it clear that you don't appreciate her remarks. You work very hard. Especially if you have a special needs child! I am a SAHM too and I know what a strain it is sometimes.
    Man, that makes me really mad for you. What terrible things to say to someone! In fact I would cut her out of my life completely, you don't need her crap.
    evilabbysmom

    Answer by evilabbysmom at 1:26 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • she needs to respect you choice to be a sahm. She needs to understand that sure you may not make the money, but without you staying at home, youd be spending what you make on child care. I wouldnt say ^^^ what miisshiiscampos said... but i would tell her that you dont appreciate the way that she has been talking to you and demeaning your job, being a mom is just as important or more important than most jobs out there. I would tell her that you feel that you are doing the best thing you can for your family. and if she still doesnt respect you.,... find a new friend
    BabyBugsmama

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 1:29 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • Sounds like she is jelous that you are the homemaker. I understand somewhat of what you are feeling. I guess it took time for my freind to see that being a stay at home mom is more than just hanging out at home. Sure I have time to get on cafemom but I dont stay on it all day. AND SHE GETS ON IT DURING THE DAY AT WORK....so I could easily say to her that she BS's around during the day too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:48 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • Sorry BabyBugs if I offended you I just tell it like it is....what can I say? I'm a New Yorker....:)
    MiiSSHiiSCAMP0S

    Answer by MiiSSHiiSCAMP0S at 1:51 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • Sounds like your friend is jealous and makes these rude digs at you to make herself feel better.  I bet if she stayed home with her children 24/7 she will quickly see how much work it really is.  Going back to her paying job would probably be a break!!  My friend once told me that being a SAHM was brainless...when she stayed home during a school break she called me asking me how do I do it??  Tell your friend to stop making those rude judgements if being a SAHM is okay with you why is it her problem??? By the way I have nothing against working moms, I feel to each their own!!

    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 2:05 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • I'm the kind of Mom who needs to be self sufficient, though I have a very supportive DH! Whatever $ WE make is OURS and if he gives me $, I don't feel like it's his! And likewise my job is what pays the rent, but he doesn't feel like I am the one that supports the house! And any friend that would critisize our way of living is out! I actually already outed some friends because they didn't think I was good enough for my DH! Those people can butt out of your life!
    Monnek

    Answer by Monnek at 2:12 PM on Oct. 6, 2008