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3 Bumps

Update on my current situation w/SO

So I went to counseling in regards to me trying to figure things out. My SO decides he is dome with me after I blew up in front of our daughter about his mother. I have been conflicted about the steps to take because I just dis not expect this kind of reaction from him. His mom has done many things to me in the past and he always says that I misinterpret her actions. It's been a month this and he basically told me that we are through. 12 yrs and because I spoke out he's done with us. I'm hurt angry because we agreed that I would go p/t so that I can finish school I have 5 classes left. Then he tells get s job and figure it out that he won't leave until he knows I van handle it. However he's walking around the house with this hostility and we can't even be amicable towards each other. I'm looking for am extra job but if I can't anything I'm just going to continue with school he's waiting for me to drop the classes. What to do?

Answer Question
 
jenlesly

Asked by jenlesly at 9:52 AM on Aug. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (110 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Is it possible for you to take the kids and move in with a friend or relative? Then you would be able to work part time and finish classes.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:55 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Keep going to class! He has no choice but to let you finish. 12 yrs and he owes you at least that much! Good luck and sorry you are going through such a hard time.
    shanlaree

    Answer by shanlaree at 9:56 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • first of all, it seems to me there is more here than meets the eye. he just doesn't decide after 12 years that it is over because you got mad at his mom. there is some deeper issue happening here.

    i would just continue on with what you are doing, if you find a job then fine, if not then continue school. you will all work around it no matter what happens. just because he leaves doesn't mean he isn't going to be part of the process anymore and help you out. if you two can't get along in the same house, then part and make sure you both give 100% to make everything work out.
    xtwilightx

    Answer by xtwilightx at 9:56 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I feel so bad for you, I know where your coming from. It's a very uncomfortable situation for you & the kids. Did you contact a lawyer to see what you are entitled to? Do you own your home? I don't know if you leaving is the best idea but I think maybe one of you should. Maybe time away from each other would be best right now so things don't escalate. I hope that someone answers here with experienced advice who has already gone through this. Good Luck, hugs & hang in there for your kids.
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 10:04 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I doubt he's done "because (you) spoke out". He's probably done because it's been building for a long time. So you "agreed" that you'd finish school - do you think he planned on helping you do this after you broke up? When the two of you made this agreement, I'm sure neither of you were planning a break-up. Things change. You're not a couple any more. Your education is your responsibility. You get a job, you work hard at school and classes, and you accept the fact that he's done and make a life for yourself.
    Gaccck

    Answer by Gaccck at 10:17 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I agree with the other poster who said that there is more going on here; you don't split after 12 years because you get into an argument about his mother, regardless of whether your daughter heard it or not. Do you have someone you could move in with for a time? It sounds like living there is pretty bad, I'm sorry.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 10:18 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • It is interesting to me that you seem to think it is abnormal for people to react badly to your explosion. Is that because it's you exploding, so it shouldn't mean that much? Or because you feel the explosion was fully justified?

    While it's popular to think that other people should be immune to our behavior, and accept everything we've decided is 'fine', the fact is that people get to react to you the way they do. You might not have had 'destroy his faith in me' as a goal when you decided to tear a strip off his mother, but it is exactly what you accomplished, anyhow.

    You have acted in bad faith, and I expect (based on how you've written this story) that you have not apologized or attempted to make any amends for that, and yet you seem to think everyone should have forgotten or forgiven. As my sister would say: good luck with that.

    He doesn't trust you. You know why. Try apologizing to is mother, just for a start.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 10:52 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • to linda...i just want to say, that sometimes our emotions get the better of us. it's not right, but it should be brushed off, especially with family. sometimes we are overstressed, not feeling well or whatever. no one keeps their cool all the time. so what, she went off on the mother....perhaps she did something so over the top that she got to her breaking point. it happens. no one is perfect. i agree an apology is in order. even if you don't agree with the issue at hand, apologizing for losing your cool is the bigger thing to do. famlies should be able to forgive one another regardless....if it were an all the time thing, then there is a problem. but after 12 years one instance isn't quite enough to call it quits. some counseling to deal with your personal issues will probably help. perhaps anxiety and emotions need to be addressed. you might feel you are at your boiling point at all times and that is unhealthy for you.
    xtwilightx

    Answer by xtwilightx at 11:22 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Somethings being left out here. This isn't the sort of thing that is big enough to be a breaking point. Something else is going on.
    As for the classes, do not quit. You have 5 classes left? Take them in 8 week courses if you can! Do not give up school now! You are almost done. It's hard to give advice to you here. We don't know much. We don't know what the problem is between you and your SO's mom. Or what issues are between you and your SO. Because there has to be something other then the problem between you and his mom that bugs him. If that's the only thing that has him wanting to bolt, then he's the worst mama's boy, and you will never be what you need to be to him. I just don't know what to say, other then stay in school and finish. Get a degree, and get a better paying job.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 12:53 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • He is a mama's boy, his mother has a passive aggressive personality. We have a lot of things going on 1. We live in a small apt with my 2 girls and my mother who is sick with cancer. She helps us with the girls. 2. We have financial disagreements all the time. 3. He does not discuss his emotions, he bottles them up and then blows up. 4. He resents that he pays all the bills, I work but don't make as much but more than half my check goes to the house. His mother can do no wrong, even though he is aware she has done things to me that are wrong in the past, he excuses by saying this is how she is I can't change her. I thought we had worked through our issues because I saw progress he was being more responsible...telling he wanted me to graduate and get a good job to go partite. He feels there are to many stressors at home & my blow up put the nail in the coffin...I also question if he may have been unfaithful.
    jenlesly

    Comment by jenlesly (original poster) at 1:37 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

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