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Do you speak your mind or hold it in?

When something or someone aggrivates you do you tell them or do you hold it in?

How do you cope with NOT expressing your point of view if you hold it in?

I am bad about speaking my mind and it causes turmoil in our home and arguments between me and my SO. I don't want to be that way but I feel like I might resent him later if I don't get it out there. How do I learn to just keep my mouth shut? He doesn't hardly ever mention it if I tick him off. I'd like to be more like him and try to keep the peace.

 
Memigen

Asked by Memigen at 11:40 AM on Aug. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Level 27 (30,799 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Maybe it isn't a matter of learning not to speak your mind, but of learning to speak your mind more diplomatically.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 11:48 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • There are times to speak up and times to be silent. A wise woman learns how to know the difference. It's true in marriage, the family, or wherever you interact with people. There are no hard and fast rules. It is a learning process and it takes time to perfect.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:56 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • It's impossible to NEVER say what you think or feel, but it's very important to use tact when you speak. Too many people forget how to be polite!
    mickstinator

    Answer by mickstinator at 11:44 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I speak my mind.

    In my experience holding stuff in does cause resentments to build under the surface of a relationship. Which slowly fester and poisen the entire relationship.

    So, I express myself. What I have learned during my 25 years of marriage is this: how I express myself usually has more to do with us fighting instead of what I'm actually expressing (same for the hubs..), and when I choose to express myself also has an affect.
    I've also learned that somethings are worth expressing myself over. And somethings aren't. That's a fine balance, and a tough one to find sometimes.. lol Ex: I'll express myself if something is making me angry or hurting my feelings and he is the direct cause. But if I'm upset because he didn't put the dishes away the same way I would, I let it go. I have to learn to accept in life that he is not me, and he is not going to see things, do things, think of things the same as I.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 11:45 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • it all depends..for me if i hold on to it, i blow up. but most times i speak up. i can't really hold it.
    EttaMay

    Answer by EttaMay at 11:45 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • you shouldn't even try. In your home you should be free to speak up and say whatever pleases you. In work - that is different, unless you enjoy unemployment.

    My husband and I have a 3 day rule. If one of us ticks the other one off, you have 3 days to bring it up or you forfiet the right to be upset about it.

    IF you or your hubby are upset that the other has feeling and expresses them, then there is a much bigger problem
    Maureen-MD

    Answer by Maureen-MD at 11:48 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Here's why I do not, can not hold it in when it comes to my husband.

    I shouldn't have to.. Of all the people in this world. He is the ONE person I should be able to safely, openly and honestly share anything with and say anything to. He is the ONE and only person who I expect to listen to me objectively and honestly. He is the ONE person I expect to care about how I feel. He is the ONE person who I expect to at least try to understand how I feel..

    I also want my husband (and he does) to feel the same way about me. I am the person he can and should be able to say anything to, share anything with, openly honestly and safelly.


    We both feel that we can be that with and for one another.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 11:54 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Depends on the situation and my mood, but I try to remember that rude and interesting are NOT the same thing.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 11:58 AM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • There are times to speak up and times to be silent. A wise woman learns how to know the difference. It's true in marriage, the family, or wherever you interact with people. There are no hard and fast rules. It is a learning process and it takes time to perfect.

    NannyB....I really like this response and it is VERY true.
    worriedmommy600

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 12:14 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I usually hold it in. Maybe b/c I'm not comfortable or the person hasn't made me feel like I can talk to them openly. Hopefully, the next man I meet will do that. [sigh]
    jinxmom

    Answer by jinxmom at 12:59 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

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