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2 Bumps

Getting over insecurities

I am not generally an insecure person, but for some reason, since I've been with my SO (11 months), I have been. He's not a very emotional person, as in he doesn't show a lot of emotion. He can be oblivious to things too.

I have gained and lost a lot of weight. Couple that with 4 pregnancies and nursing, and well, my body isn't what it used to be. Quite frankly, I'm embarrassed by it.

When we were discussing breast augmentation, he said he didn't think I would do it, as I don't like surgery. I said I don't, but I didn't want him to have to look at this for the rest of his life, and his response was "You look fine. No one is perfect". I know he was being nice, but I hear "You could look better, but whatever, I'll deal with it".

I don't know how to get past this. I know I have great qualities, but damned if I know what they are anymore. What is wrong with me? This is not the only thing, but I'm out of space

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:16 PM on Aug. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • first of all, you can not make changes for anyone else but yourself. our bodies change and if the love is strong none of that should matter. men rarely say the right thing. they mean well it just doesn't come out right. you need to figure out what it is that you want for yourself to feel better. it may not even be so extreme as surgery. a new haircut and color perhaps? some new clothes? find the qualities about yourself that you like, and take his word for it, no one is perfect, and neither is he. guys just don't seem to care like us ladies do about our impefections.
    xtwilightx

    Answer by xtwilightx at 12:21 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • You are not alone! I hate my body, I feel fat, look fat and my boobs are too big. But DH is fine with it, so be it. Yeah, I am trying to lose some weight, but with my genetics, it's not easy. Believe your SO. Half the time, I don't see how my DH can find me attractive, but I guess it's true when they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you want to improve the way you look, do it for yourself, not for anyone else. If he's still turned on when you guys are in the bedroom, then I wouldn't worry about it.
    JGRIMMER

    Answer by JGRIMMER at 12:25 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I understand how you feel. I used to have an awesome body until I had my son. Now I'm 15 pounds heavier, covered in stretch marks, and don't even get me started on whats left of my boobs. However, my fiance let himself go as well. I guess that's a good and bad thing for me. I do feel like other people look at me and wonder what the hell happened. I'm not against plastic surgery if you are doing it because YOU want to feel better about YOURSELF...not because you want to look better for someone else. I understand how the comment your husband made didn't put your mind at ease much...I would have felt the same way. In my opinion, maybe you should do something that will make you feel good about yourself without having to go under the knife. An exercise class maybe? Exercise produces endorphins and you'll be losing weight (if you even need to, I have no idea) in the process. I lost 40 lbs after I had my son, and I felt great!
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 12:30 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • As pp said. Most of us feel the same way. It sounds that your dh is trying to be very supportive but your perception about it is not.
    If it makes you feel better I have huge breasts and if my Insurance would cover for breast reduction I would do it right away.
    You've mentioned that you talk about about possible surgery with you dh but you seem not being happy about the conversation. Talk about it more with your dh.
    Honestbest

    Answer by Honestbest at 12:35 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Take him at his word. If you want augmentation, do it for YOU! Your husband has told you that you're fine and I think you should just leave it at that. Work on things you can change easily that will make you feel 100% better. For instance; are you a "pajama mama"? Do you wear sweats, track suits or jammies all day just because "no one will see you" or because they are comfy? If so, try getting up each day and getting dressed in actual clothes, do hair and makeup and a spritz of smell-good...even if you aren't going anywhere or you think no one will see you. It'll take 15 minutes tops. Truth is, your husband sees you and your kids see you. If they see a vivacious woman that is put together and confident, all the little things you can't change fade into the background.
    TessaBianca

    Answer by TessaBianca at 2:50 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

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