Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I don't know what to believe..I need some advice

Ok, so my fiance tells me that he hasn't ever really been into porn ,and I know that there are some guys out there that could really care less about it. Well, he tells me that yet prior to being with me, he went on a few web cam sites, masturbated to a porn on tv and had a playboy magazine. He would also ask girls that he used to talk to on messenger to flash him. What the hell am I supposed to believe?? Could it be that he is just telling me that he isn't into that kind of thing to protect my feelings cuz he knows that I don't like that kind of thing, or is he being honest with me and the things that he did before were just done out of curiosity? I am so confused...any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:19 PM on Oct. 6, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Well if he is not asking the girls to flash him anymore or anything else he was doing "prior" to you then honastly I wouldnt worry about it. If I worried this much about the things my hubby did before me I would be a mess everyday just thinking about it... I think if its in the past it's in the past and dont dig it up!!

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 2:24 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • I just want to know if he could really be into porn and is just keeping it from me. I know if that's the case then it could possibly cause problems in our relationship down the road. I feel that I have the right to know the truth now rather then find out about it later.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:27 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • He might enjoy it, but that doesn't mean he's watching it. I personally have no problem with pornography or anything, I partake in watching it myself. With and without my husband. But, if you have an issue with it sit him down and talk to him. Tell him you understand if he IS interested, but instead of partaking you would be happy to oblige him if he came to you instead. Make it so that he doesn't feel the NEED, but don't make him feel judged for liking it.

    Answer by catwalksymphony at 2:34 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • Im sorry this is bothering you so bad.... when me and my hubby got together I didnt like porn either and it made me feel bad that he wanted to look at other women and I did not like this at all.... well men dont always watch porn for the reason you think there are alot of different reasons and not all of them are because they are slimy pigs, so i started watching them with him sometimes and found them to be kindof helpful to our sex life!! so maybe dont forbit him to watch it if he is... maybe join him from time to time just put a limit on it like monthly or something i bet he doesnt like some of the chick flicks he has watched with you. I think of it like at least he is not out buying hookers and having sex with other women he might just have a very high sex drive and this helps him!! I hope this helps but you may not agree

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 2:36 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • I don't think this is the kind of mistrust that you can take into a marriage. There are enough signs that he probably is involved at some level. Pornography is addictive and it takes more and more to satisfy the habit. I think if I were you, I'd move on.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:39 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • Just because he checked it out a few times doesn't mean he's "into" porn. Hell, I hate porn yet I "checked" it out a few times in my life as well. Would I ever look now - no way - he probably won't either. We are all curious so I would let it go and trust that he's currently into only you.

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 2:41 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • That's the thing. Since he and I have been together to my knowledge, he HASN'T looked at anything like that. I am not a prude or anything but I just feel that porn is degrading and makes women feel like they have to look like these girls look. I could care less if it used to be something that he was into, I just want him to admit that to me and he tells me that's not the case. I think that's what's bothering me more than anything. I feel like he isn't being completely honest with me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:45 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • An to respond to scaredmommy08, he admitted that prior to being with me that he had only had sex about 25 times and that sex was never a big deal to him. In other words, he didn't really have a very high sex drive. I am the one with the high sex drive! lol

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:47 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • Well I for one applaud him for disclosing things about himself that people are normally ashamed about, and hide (even if there's nothing wrong with it). Maybe you need to stop and ask yourself if there is anything that YOU should disclose before you cast the first stone.

    Maybe there's a fairyland somewhere where you can find a husband who wants to pick flowers all day long, and doesn't have these desires. He might not be real interesting, but at least he'd be safe and innocent.

    Answer by krnrobey at 3:17 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • There are two sides: One-if it happened in the past-prior to you-and you know it to be in the past--then let it go and let it stay in the past. Two: just like someone said before, there are enough signs to show that something is going on. Something is triggering your thinking. The solution is probably to be honest with yourself and decide whether it is or whether it ain't...and move on with life.

    Answer by QueenAdeela at 3:21 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.