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2 Bumps

How do I break this nicely?

My SIL to be, always complains that no one comes to visit her & my brother. The truth is her house is disgusting! It is FILTHY! When she talks about the house, she always says it is "basically clean" and she will clean more when my brother will help. But, the fact is he is in college full time and works full time too. She works outside the home, but other than that she does nothing inside the home! How do we break it to my brother and his soon to be wife, that we don't go cause their house is Nasty, when all he says is "I barely have time to sleep" and she says she is not doing anything until he does? Honestly, I am just tired of coming up with excuses about why we won't go over there!


Asked by mommy11260 at 1:56 PM on Aug. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Level 23 (15,400 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Why don't you talk to her privately and say "Let me help you do a summer cleaning" & if she looks at you in astonishment, say "C'mon YOU KNOW it's a mess, but I will help you and even help you find the right cleaning products too!" . Take her to the grocery store & teach her to clean. Then make it a day of cleaning and maybe she will be proud of her place and want to keep it that way. She may not really know how to clean if she came from a dirty,messy home. So teach her. If she gets insulted with the offer & nasty then say "well how do you expect people to visit in a filthy mess?"

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 2:13 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Tell them both straight up that there home is dirty and they both are welcome to come and visit you all at your home but they need to clean there's before you bring your child/children over there.

    Answer by raemommy at 2:00 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Just tell him the truth. The truth hurts sometime. " Your house is nasty that is why we do not come over"

    When I know people are coming over I clean my house extra good. some people do not care I guess.

    Answer by louise2 at 2:01 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • There is no real nice way to broach the subject.

    You just have to be honest. Now that can be done diplomatically, but not necessarily nicely.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:01 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I'd say something along these lines, "Honestly, your house isn't very comfortable to visit because its so dirty..."

    Answer by elizabiza at 2:07 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I have had several people like that and actually lived with people who were filthy pigs... i moved cause i dont live like that.. pretty much there is no nice way to tell people that.. just be honest.. there isn't any excuse why a home can not be cleaned.. people work, go to school and raise kids... who keep their homes tidy! she is lazzzzyyyyyyy!!!! maybe if people stop being so nice and be truthful she might actually want to do something about it. I don't blame you!

    Answer by BobbieJo286 at 2:08 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I'd tell them the truth, gently. Just let them know that you love them, and would love to visit, but you are not comfortable because of the state of their home. I've had to do this with my stepsister, it wasn't comfortable and we ended up distanced, but my brother said that her house is a little cleaner now, although he refuses to eat anything over there.

    Answer by Scuba at 2:14 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • "Brother, I love you. I'm your sister so I'm going to tell you honestly that we don't visit because your house is out of control. I understand you are busy but something has got to be done before I can visit with the young'uns. If it was just me, I'd visit anyway but I am thinking of my kids safety. Otherwise, I'd just deal with it. Until the place is decent, let's meet at the Cracker Barrel and socialize so we can let someone else do the cooking and cleaning."

    Answer by TessaBianca at 2:42 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I think ILoveMyPaulie has a good suggestion- at least the one least likely to offend your SIL. Otherwise, honestly, I would not say anything. It will only lead to hurt feelings and then if you ever do come over they will probably be so self-conscious, in fact they may stop inviting you altogether. I avoid confrontation so maybe I am a bad person to give advice, I just think there is no good way to break this truth without hurting feelings. Some people have different ideas of dirty than others. Maybe I just feel for your sister because I am not a very good housekeeper either. I always make extra effort for company, but my house on its best day is not as clean as my MIL's house on any given day of the week. Maybe just say that you know they are busy and don't need the added stress of preparing for company so why not come to your house or meet up somewhere else so everyone can relax.

    Answer by MaryMW at 3:11 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • be honest!

    Answer by koensmom22 at 5:01 PM on Aug. 11, 2010